Defense

Victoria and Gordon were in love. Victoria’s father did not approve and would not let them marry. Her father reigned over a fairly large kingdom. He was afraid of being ridiculed and possibly weakened due to this interspecies romance. It’s worth mentioning that Victoria is a lioness and Gordon, a bonobo ape.

They came to the conclusion that to be happy, they would have to start life anew, far from the reach of Victoria’s father’s power. They wandered for months before settling on a new home. It was enough like the place they left to be comfortable, yet far enough away to go unperturbed. There, they were sure, they would start their family.

They adapted well to their new home. Gordon quickly ascended to power. It helped that he had a lioness behind him. He found himself the king of their territory with Victoria as queen in little time.

A group of marauding chimpanzees got wind of the new, growing empire and saw Gordon’s infancy as a ruler as a weakness they could exploit. They had spies within the domain and were gathering information. Gordon was a fair and generous leader so one of the turncoats turned once again and alerted the king of the plot.

After discussing the situation with his advisors, Gordon came up with a plan. Their numbers and strength were weak compared to the ferocious, brute strength of the hordes of chimpanzees. It was decided they would use a biological solution; the employment of killer bees.

Gordon had the advantage of knowing exactly when the attack would take place. It was to jump off at day break in three days. Defensive preparations were made and bees were secretly gathered from all around the kingdom and beyond.

The fateful day came. A conch shell was blown to call the commencement of the attack. The chimps were me by thick clouds of bees. The jungle vibrated with their loud buzz. Screams echoed through the trees. The chimps dispersed in confusion. Some fell right away due to anaphylactic shock. A few jumped back into the river only to have their muscles seize and be carried away to their watery end.

Gordon sent his first wave of infantry to counter attack. Armed with spears, they made quick work of the remaining, confused chimps. Most were writhing in agony. The chimps spared by bee or spear saw their imminent failure and ran to save themselves. The battle didn’t last more than thirty minutes from the signal to attack.

Gordon and his subjects were ecstatic. They hadn’t suffered one casualty. Their only strife no was the inconvenience of having to remove the carcasses of their fallen primate foes. After that was taken care of, they put all normal activities on hold to have a mass celebration. The festivities went well into the night.

A little after nightfall, Gordon, slightly intoxicated, went looking for Victoria. He was told she had already retired to their royal quarters. He was more than happy with this revelation. His victory had made him rather randy and he wanted to celebrate intimately with his queen.

As Gordon pushed open the door to his bed chamber Victoria pounced upon him.

“Oh, my love, I think you’ve read my mind!” he said. Feeling sharp claws digging into his sides, he immediately realized she had other intentions.

“No you fool! I’m through with you! The last domino has fallen. I shall reign over our, I mean MY, kingdom by myself from now on” she replied.

In shock and in great pain he managed to ask “WHY?”

“I’m tired of living this freak show life. My father was right, it’s not natural. Besides, you cannot give me what I most want, a son!” she said, digging her claws even deeper and baring teeth.

“Look at what we have built, my love. Look at all we have! We have survived, conquered and endured” he pleaded.

Victoria shouted an order in a strange language. In came two chimpanzees with dressed wounds. “Take him out of here” Victoria ordered in the language of the chimps.

The chimps muffled Gordon’s pleas for help as they drug him away.

Sloths to a Flame

 

Felix and Gilbert were hanging in a tree doing what sloths do best, relaxing in the hot afternoon sun. They were also observing Dale, who was busy collecting buds that were particular to the season and also considered a delicacy to the species.

“That Dale! Who does he think he is, making us look bad for doing what we’re supposed to do?” Felix grumbled.

“It ain’t natural, Felix” Gilbert lazily answered.

Dale overheard the conversation but he didn’t let it bother him. He was used to it. Ever since he was a kid, he had more energy that the other sloths. He was never content just hanging in a tree.

The council of elders tried many interventions. There was counseling, homeopathic therapies, even pseudo-medicinal rituals involving chanting, rainforest plants and dancing. Nothing took the wind out of his sails. The elders reluctantly gave up and let him be an active sloth.

Dale spent weeks collecting and stowing buds in hollowed, fallen trees. He garnered enough buds for many times more sloths than were in the group in which he lived, yet he felt compelled to gather more. When he slept he dreamt about buds.

A few weeks later Felix and Gilbert were hanging in their favorite tree when the sun was slowly covered by a thick grey that wasn’t cloud formations.

“What do you think that is, Gilbert?” Felix asked.

“I don’t know, Felix but it don’t look good” was his only response.

Little did they know, the rain forest all around them was ablaze. Pure coincidence protected them. A few geographical features, like a wide stream to the north and a sheer rock face to the east were keeping them safe.

Close to evening a massive group of foreign sloths slowly dragged themselves to their safe spot.

“We’ve made it! We are safe!” the leader said as he looked back to his comrades. The news was met by a hail of cheers.

“Not so fast!” Felix said, “What do you all think you are doing here?”

“We’ve escaped unthinkable horrors! The forest is burning. There has been a lot of death and destruction. Please, show mercy, let us stay. At least until the fires die down…” he pleaded.

“There aren’t enough leaves in this patch of land for all of us! You might have survived these fires, but we’ll all die from starvation if you stay!” Felix shot back.

“Can I say something?” Dale meekly interjected.

“What could you possibly have to say, you busy body?” Felix snapped.

“With all due respect” Dale said, “We most certainly do have enough food for us and them. And for a good while”

“How so?” Felix asked, genuinely curious.

“I have buds stored all over the place. Almost every fallen tree from here to the outer edges is stuffed with them. There might be enough for months” he answered.

The group was so quiet one could hear the distant crackle of the burning jungle. “All right, you can stay until the situation improves” Felix said.

The crown roared with joy. In a few weeks the rains put out the remaining fires. The displaced sloths found a suitable home fairly close to their new found friends.

 

Swooping In

Barry and Melvin, two painted turtles, were sunning themselves on a rock on a warm early spring afternoon.

“It was a brutal winter this year, eh, Mel?” Barry asked.

“The worst” he slowly answered.

“Didn’t think I’d make it through” Barry said.

“Even though you say that every year, I gotta say, I kinda felt that way too” Melvin said.

“My shell got so cold it hurt” Barry said.

“But now we’re here, living the life” Melvin answered.

“Nothing better, belly full of fish, beautiful scenery…” he stopped short when the sun was shadowed by an unidentified flying object.

“Oh no, Barry! I think it’s an eagle. Don’t move! He might not see us” Melvin said.

“Not see us? It’s a goddamn eagle, Mel!” Barry cried.

“He’s swooping! Get in your shell!” Mel screamed.

As they heard the approaching whistle, the result of air rushing through the eagle’s feathers, they imagined they survived the brutal winter for naught. Barry imagined the things he could have been doing that very moment instead of wasting time on that rock. Melvin wished he could kiss his mate and offspring just one more time.

They heard the click of the eagle’s talons on the very rock they were on. They both held their breath and waited to be carried away by the shell to be dropped on jagged rocks to be smashed open and made a meal.

“Hey guys” the eagle said. “Some winter, eh?”

Both turtles peeked their heads out of their shells. Barry answered first with a slight stammer, “Ahhh, a real doozy”

“The worst” Melvin sheepishly chimed in.

“Hey, I’m not here to eat you guys” the Eagle said with a cackling laugh, “there’s barely anyone awake in these parts yet and I saw you two here. I just wanted to talk to someone. Anyone.”

Both immediately popped the rest of their way out of their shells. Melvin spoke up first. “Of course not!”

Barry followed up with “Wouldn’t even think of it”

 

 

The Anticipated Arrival of Tomorrow

 

“We really need some rain” Bruce, a mighty, decades old oak tree said to his friend and neighbor, Piney, an equally impressive evergreen. They were situated in such a way that they overlooked the hill in front of them but couldn’t see one another.

“Yeah, besides the thirst, I’m worried the fires may start to kick up” Piney answered.

“It’s only a matter of time my friend” Bruce said.

Later that night Bruce was proven correct. First, the faint smell of smoke turned into a thick cloud and then the heat could slowly be felt. Before long, visible light from the flames was flickering dangerously close to them.

“This could be it, Bruce, after decades by your side overlooking this infinite beauty. Now we may be going back to where we came” Piney said.

“It was all worth it, my friend” was his stoic response.

The heat encroached little by little, drying out already arid bark. Just as Bruce and Piney gave up hope of seeing tomorrow, both felt what they thought was a miracle. Drops of water started to clean the blown ash from their leaves.

The drops turned into a cascade. The sounds of sizzling from suffocating fire was all around them.

“This is turning out to be quite the ripper” Bruce shouted over the howling gale winds and sheets of falling water.

“Yeah! And in little time will arrive the first tomorrow I am truly looking forward to in a while” Piney gleefully responded.

The both stood in silence, swaying in the wind, letting it take them in the direction of its desires. Deep in the Earth, their roots were quenched.

Bruce started nodding off when an extremely bright flash brought momentary day to the mountain. Bruce thought it was a dream until the air ripping boom reverberated throughout the valley.

“That one hit a little close, didn’t it Piney?” Bruce asked, now completely awake from his slumber.

There was no answer.

“Piney?”

There was still no answer.

The next morning an early hawk perched itself on one of Bruce’s high boughs. Bruce asked “Please, hawk, lend me your eyes, what has become of my friend Piney?”

The hawk turned and saw an evergreen tree split down the middle from a lightning strike. The task of bearing such news was too much for the hawk. He simply said “Sorry Bruce” and flew away. That was enough for Bruce to understand.

Living on a Prayer (Part 5) Final Episode

Rick came creeping up on the scene in desert camo. The townsfolk were still gathered around the burrow both curious about the interaction of the two groups of dogs under their feet and yet worried about the sick ones. Some were on their knees praying.

“They ain’t talking to the real God. The real God wants ‘em dead” Rick said as he spat on the ground.

*          *          *           *         *          *

“Hey Timmy, I´m going to nose around outside and see if I can find anything out” Clapper said.

“Those people are still out there, they might hurt you” he answered.

“No, they brought us here. From what I gather, they’re on your side, but I am still not 100% sure”

*          *           *           *           *          *

Clapper snuck out a rear hole. He immediately smelled traces of the poison in the air. He couldn´t pinpoint the source of the smell but it was surely not coming from the mass of the townsfolk gathered around the burrow. He picked up a strong scent and followed it to some shrubs around 30 yards from where they were. He found a scraggly man hiding out in the bushes in a prone position. The smell was surely coming from him.

Clapper snuck up from behind the man and with ferocious speed, bit off a chunk of the subject’s calf. “OUCH!” Rick cried from the bushes.

“Rick? What the hell you doing over there?” Judge yelled. “You ain’t got nuttin to do with these sick critters now, do you?”

Rick was wild eyed, “It ain’t right! Prairie dogs gots to pray! You shouldn’t have to teach ‘em. These here ain’t of God.”

Clapper was confused but he started putting the pieces together.

“These here Texas dogs are Godly. They pray. Ours don’t. Ours are of the devil”

Clapper finally figured out why he and his cohorts were brought to this dog town.

“Sheriff, put him in cuffs, for animal cruelty” Judge ordered and the sheriff obliged.

“Man law can’t get my soul!” Rick yelled as he was put in the Sheriff’s SUV and taken away.

“What a night, Judge!” Mary Ann said as her hand brushed his. She was surprised when he gently took hold of it.

“Yeah, sure was a little crazy. How about we make it a little crazier? I would like to ask you out to dinner with me some time, if you´d like…” he asked.

“My word, I’ve been waiting a long time to hear those words! YES!” she answered. “Look! There are some prairie dogs coming out of the borrow, they look fine!”

*          *          *           *            *          *

“You were brought here to teach us to pray, yet you guys don´t even do it?” Sammy asked, laughing to himself.  

“It’s what I gathered; and that crazy guy in the bushes tried to kill you guys for not doing so” Clapper answered, “I recommend you give them what they want. We can teach you how to meditate, we all do it. It’s wonderful. Life changing even. You could assume the prayer position and appease the townsfolk and yet benefit from this time spent”

“Ah-hem” Timmy said.

“Just keep praying Timmy” Sammy said, “You aren’t hurting or annoying anyone and you like it” he finished, giving Timmy a high five.

“Clapper, are you guys gonna stay with us?” Julie asked.

“I guess that’s up to the townsfolk. We are quite a ways  away from Texas” he answered, “But, wherever we end up, I believe it’s how it’s supposed to be”

 

The end.

Living on a Prayer (Part 4)

Living on a Prayer (Part 1)        Living on a Prayer (Part 2)      Living on a Prayer (Part 3)

The night arrived for the grand reintroduction. The townsfolk were excited. Saul put on his only suit for the occasion. They arrived with candles poking through paper plates in their hands. They were horrified by what they found.

There were prairie dogs everywhere writhing on the ground. The Townsfolk didn’t know what to think. Mary Ann piped up “Maybe we are too late. Satan has already taken hold here”

“I don’t know but the Texas dogs are going nuts in these crates. They are clawing to get out!” Judge said.

“Release them” Saul said, “Trust me”

“Ok” Judge said, flipping open the latches.

*          *          *          *          *          *

The native dogs rushed into the burrow out of pure fear. Once inside the leader, Clapper, called out “Anybody down here? These are clearly prairie dog burrows and there are plenty of signs they are currently occupied”

After taking a look around, the native dogs discovered why they were not properly greeted. There were numerous prairie dogs strewn about in various states of consciousness.

Clapper took in the scene and knew exactly what to do. “Find me some desert grass, red clay from a dried creek bed and as much cactus meat and milk as you can find! Stat!”

“Poisoned?” Jumper asked.

“Poisoned” Clapper answered, “Everything is going to be fine” he shouted to the suffering prairie dogs as he then put his front paws together and closed his eyes.

*          *          *            *          *          *

As the night wore on, native dogs came and went with the ingredients requested by Clapper. It was working. Not a single prairie dog’s life was lost. Even the most far gone dogs were only experiencing mild to strong discomfort, but were completely out of the danger zone.

“This was an intentional poisoning” Clapper said.

“How could you tell?” Timmy asked.

“Let´s just say, native dogs have been in struggle with humans for centuries. We have seen it all. We pass down the knowledge. I can see how this got you by surprise. You’ve never faced anything like this before”

“I bet your prayer helped” Timmy side wide eyed and with a big smile.

“Prayer?” he paused to think “What?”

“I saw you praying, after you gave the orders to gather ingredients to make the medicine. You know, hands together, eyes closed….talking to the Lord”

“Oh…Hahaha, you thought I was praying? That’s just how I think. We all do that! No prairie dog has actually prayed in earnest for generations. One or another gets the idea in their head to pray, but it usually passes, like a fad”

“Oh” Timmy said. He sat in silent thought for a little before asking, “Why are you guys here?”

“Maybe we were brought to save you. Beyond that, I have no idea”

“Well, I´m glad you came regardless”

“You know what? Considering we were able to help the way we did, I am glad too”

(To be continued…..)

 

 

 

Living on a Prayer (Part 3)

Living on a Prayer (Part 1)

Living on a Prayer (Part 2)

Judge sent Saul to procure native prairie dogs from Texas. He was given the instructions to come back with at least twenty and to make sure he saw them praying before picking them. A week later he came back with 50 Texas prairies dogs. In the meantime, the community was following Mary Ann´s recommendation, holding nightly prayer vigils around the prairie dog town.

*           *          *          *          *          *

Sammy turned to Julie “What is this all about?”

“I have no idea but I kind of like the songs” she answered.

“I love it!” Timmy said “Who knows, maybe you two will change your minds after all” he trailed off and started singing along to one of the hymns. He had memorized all of them after the third day.

“I have an uneasy feeling about this. The humans up to now have pretty much left us alone. The last time they paid a lot of attention to us, they killed us off, you know” Sammy said.

*           *          *          *          *          *

The townsfolk decided to introduce the native prairie dogs during one of the nightly vigils. They were going to release them on two separate nights, 25 each night. Rick hadn´t been seen for days and the whole town was a little worried about that.

*          *          *          *         *           *

“I don´t feel well” Sammy said.

“Me neither” Julie said.

“I told you guys not to eat that stuff we found! How many others ate it?” Timmy asked.

“Almost everybody” Julie answered.

Moans were echoing through the burrows. The sounds of vomiting and lamenting were deafening. Timmy immediately started praying.

*         *          *          *          *          *

 

Rick was in his basement in front of a monitor. He had hidden game cameras all around the burrows. He was rejoicing in the prairie dogs’ agony.

“Serves them damn heathen prairie dogs right!” he said to himself. “God wanted em dead and I shall be the hand of the Lord” he paused, “That sounds perty good” he added, cracking another beer and cackling over his own wit.

  (To be continued…)

Living on a Prayer (Part 4)

Living on a Prayer (Part 1)

 

Prairie dogs were once one of the most abundant mammals in the Great Plains region of the United States of America. They were thought of as a nuisance by the settlers and therefore brutally massacred, almost to extinction. In fact, at one point, Arizona did completely eradicate the critters inside its border.

Efforts have been to reintroduce the rodents to their natural habitat in the state of Arizona. It has paid off. Although their numbers are nowhere near their peak, there are many healthy, thriving communities that known as “towns”. There seems to be on anomaly with this second generation of prairie dogs that has the locals in an uproar.

*          *          *          *          *          *

Timmy and Sammy popped their heads out of their burrow at the same time as every other day, just at the break of sunrise. Timmy surveyed their vast dessert domain and said to Sammy, “Good morning! How about we pray a little?”

“No, I´m not feeling it today” Sammy answered.

“You´re not feeling it almost every day as of late”

“Yeah, I don´t know. I just don´t think it does anything” Sammy said, looking down at the warming, red clay desert floor.

“What do you mean? We are back from extinction! That´s a miracle, that´s God!” Timmy said with enthusiasm.

Sammy felt peeved by Timmy´s fervor “We were extinct. Millions of us were murdered. We wouldn´t have had to come back from extinction if we hadn´t been extinct in the first place!”

“Fair enough, but suit yourself” Timmy said, closing his eyes. “but I choose to stay positive, besides, believing gives me powers to not do some things that I would otherwise do” he said before falling into silent prayer.

“I prefer to be a realist. Face life and reality on their terms and I got discipline. I don´t need no ghost in the sky to get me to not do stuff”

Without opening his eyes Timmy put his index finger to his lips and said “Shhhhhh…”

*           *          *          *          *          *

Right before lunchtime, back in the town, the people were having a community meeting.

“Order!” Judge Barns said as he smacked the table with a hammer, an actual framing hammer, not a gavel.

“But we´re hungry Judge” Andy said.

“We need to get to the order of business, the damn heathen prairie dogs” he answered.

“Language” Mary Ann piped up.

“Sorry” Judge said, blushing, “These gosh darn prairie dogs”

“They ain´t prayin’! Why they ain´t prayin’?” shouted a concerned citizen.

“I have no idea” Judge said. “But Andy´s right. Let´s adjourn for lunch and meet back here in an hour and a half”

“Here, here!” the crowd shouted.

Living on a Prayer (Part 2)

 

Internal Dialog

On a cool night while their human was settling down for sleep, the heart struck up a conversation with the stomach.

“That fucking brain. I´m tired of him telling me what to do”

“Although I agree with you, don´t you feel expressing it so loudly is a little brash?” whispered the stomach.

“He´s almost asleep. He has little control right now……except over us, still” lamented the stomach.

“You´re right. I´m also so tired of his problems giving us problems. I´ve got a little hole burning in me, because of him!” the stomach complained.

“Tell me about it. He makes me work overtime. And sometimes, we ain´t even moving! He´s just thinking shit and it makes me speed up” the heart said.

“Yup! That´s why I got damn burning hole” the stomach said.

The heart and stomach felt some painful pulses in their nerve endings. “You two pussies complaining, again?” the brain asked.

“No, sir. Just slowing down to put him to sleep, like your orders say” the heart said.

“Me too” replied the stomach.

“Hey, I got a lot of shit on me, if you only knew… Cut me some slack, all right?” the brain said.

“Sure thing, boss” the heart said.

“Yeah” said the stomach.

“Fucking prick” the heart murmured.

“What did you say???” the brain asked, enraged.

“Nothin’, I said nothin’” the heart said with a little fear in his voice. He didn´t mean for his comment to come out so loud.

“What´d you go and do, heart?” the stomach said with panic in his voice.

“You have no idea how much I work up here, how much shit I have to put up with. This guy we reside in is out of his fucking mind! Now I got you two up my ass. I can´t take it”

At that moment the stomach felt himself convulse. Even the intestines were trembling. The heart seized. The lungs were gasping. The bowels couldn´t take it anymore and lost their grip. Nerves were lighting up like a Christmas tree.

“Fuuuuuuuck this” the brain screamed.

“Noooooo!” the heart cried with its last bit of energy before it  stopped beating all together.

*      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The next morning the cleaning lady let herself in. She searched the usual places for her employer, but to no avail. She knocked on the bedroom door. No answer. “What´s that smell” she thought as she wrinkled her nose.

She cracked open the door. She was taken aback. Her boss was lying dead in a mess of his own excrement. There was something quite curious about the scene. It was the first time in all the years she had worked for him that she saw him smile. 

Flying High!

Gale worked very hard to get where she was. She logged many miles before she took the point position of the V. Gale was a goose and led the flock while flying in their migrating V pattern.

Gale studied Spanish for years to become fluent so she could lead Mexican migrations and she was studying French so she could pick up some French Canadian migrations, as well. She even worked with a speech therapist to get rid of her thick Boston accent because she thought it would give her a slight edge in her career. She thought she´d be taken more seriously.

Despite her successes, she couldn’t help but feel slightly incomplete. She thought it may be the lack of younglings in her life. She laid some eggs but it didn’t move the needle for her. Furthermore, although ashamed to admit it out loud, she was even a little relieved when neither egg hatched.

She wanted to make a mark. She wanted to leave a legacy. She studied all the great geese navigators. She idolized them. Her favorite was DuMont, who was credited with inventing the flying V formation. She poured over tomes about his life and the science of the V formation.

One night her big idea came. She was going to revolutionize the migration pattern. She stayed up countless nights going over her math. She came to the conclusion that a slight U would be superior to a V. She was excited. She was going to test her theory this fall during the migration to Chihuahua, Mexico. “Vámanos!!!” was all she could think.

One unusually warm fall day, she laid out her plan in the middle of a verdant field. She showed her math. She even had a PowerPoint presentation, just in case, but didn´t need to show it. The co-pointers were weary of the plan, but they trusted Gale. She was on track to become not just the first trilingual goose of her flock, but of their entire region. In the end, they put their whole trust in her.

The moment of departure came. Everyone was in their respective position. Take off went smoothly. Gale´s anxiety decreased with every mile behind her tail feathers. The confidence in her plan grew. A smile started to form in the corners of her beak. All of a sudden, something caught her eye that wiped that smile away.

“A duck blind” she thought to herself. “Poachers at this time of year??? Just my luck!” Then she heard the first boom from a shotgun.

“Don´t panic!” she screamed to her flock.

“Gonna be hard not to!” answered one of her co-pointers.

“Just follow my lead” Gale answered. She started to make ever so slight zig zag motions and her flock followed in perfect unison. Now the shots were thundering with such frequency it sounded like the finale of a Fourth of July fireworks display. Hearts were pounding. Adrenaline was flowing.

Despite their utter fear, not one goose was even close to a BB being sprayed from the booming guns. Gale´s brave decision was working. Meanwhile down on the ground, there was a group of very frustrated hunters. Curses were flying more than goose shot.

“What the…”

“Why they in a darn U?”

“Can´t hit any of ‘em in that there U! Why ain´t they in a blasted V???”

“When they in a V, it´s like shooting fish in a barrel. Can´t hit nutten in this here U!”

“What´s gotten into them there crazy geese? They done lost they minds flying in a U like that there!”

The shots and cursing eventually grew from distant noise to silence. Gale finally breathed a sigh of relief. They eventually made their way to Mexico. They were even slightly ahead of time and in high spirits. The U was a smashing success. Gale considered it a success solely based on their early arrival. She had no idea it was the reason the hunters were unable to hit any geese and that it saved the flock’s life.