I´m in Miami B****! (part 3) FINAL

I’m in Miami B****! (part 1)

I’m in Miami B**** (part 2)

 

A half hour after the tray of drinks had been consumed, Alonzo felt incredibly dizzy. His eyes betrayed him. They wouldn’t stay open and when they were, his vision was blurred. His legs felt like jello. He succumbed and collapsed on the spot.

He woke up in a hospital. A nurse came in to check on him and he asked her where he was and what time it was.

“9:00 am, in Mercy Hospital” she said, not even taking her eyes off of her clipboard.

“9:00 in the morning?? I slept through the whole night?” he said. He was extremely saddened to find out he had lost yet another night. He rationed, at least he had one more.

“No hun, you lost two nights. It’s Monday morning!” she said, finally looking up at him, “You had an ungodly amount of homemade barbiturates in your blood. You slept like Cinderella. Doc almost called for a prince to come kiss you awake” she scoffed.

“Oh no! My flight is in two hours. I gotta go!” he said in a panic.

“Hun, you’ll only get released in two hours. You better hold your horses”

When he was finally released, he realized his cash was gone. Credit card, too. He went to the hotel. His bag was confiscated by police when housekeeping found what they thought was cocaine.

“It wasn’t even real” he screamed.

The manager felt so bad for Alonzo he offered the $120 needed to catch a bus to go back home, from his own pocket. Alonzo dejectedly accepted.

The manager left him with one last pearl of wisdom, “Miami ain’t for amateurs, son.”

On the bus back home, Alonzo was sat next to a beautiful woman. She was warm and willing to talk to Alonzo. “How can this go wrong?” he lamented to himself.

Their conversation went great. They seemed to hit it off well. Alonzo glorified his adventure, softening or completely leaving out the most embarrassing parts and playing fast and loose with the truth. They even made plans to go out the next weekend together, back in their home city.

Both decided to get some sleep. They said their last goodbye; to anybody this side of existence. At 3:00am a truck driver, high on methamphetamine swerved into the lane they were traveling on. Not a single person on the bus survived. Because Alonzo had no I.D. and the scale of destruction of the remains of the passengers was so great that identification was impossible, what was scraped up of Alonzo was sent back to Miami to be buried.

The End.

I’m in Miami B****! (part 2)

I’m in Miami B****! (part 1)

It didn’t take long before he realized he had been bamboozled. The club didn’t even exist. Although he was downtrodden, he wasn’t going to let this minor setback ruin his trip. He went to the front desk and asked the receptionist for a recommendation.

With a slip of paper in hand, he went to his room to pregame. He took out a bottle of vodka and a large can of Red Bull from his backpack. At that moment, he remembered the coke.

He figured he’d catch a buzz from the alcohol before his first ever foray into hard drugs. After three cups full of a barely consumable concoction, he felt he was ready. He laid out a line and said to himself, “Here goes!”

He awkwardly snorted the powder off of the bathroom counter top and sat down on the toilet. He felt no different. He tried another line, then another. Nothing. He came to terms that he must have been ripped off, yet again, by the cabby. “Damn that driver, if I ever get a hold of him…” he said to himself in the mirror knowing full well he’d cower from the confrontation.

About a half hour later his guts rumbled like the San Andreas Fault about to produce a 9.0 on the Richter scale. He ran to the bathroom and barely made it. He had never evacuated such an amount in his life. It went for hours. He suffered vicious cramping and the feeling of having to go could not be satiated no matter how much came out of his derrière. Due to the Red Bull, he couldn’t sleep, when his innards had finally calmed down. His night was ruined.

With the sun starting to peek in from behind the drawn shades, he was finally able to drift off to sleep. When he woke, it was dark again. “Damn, missed a whole day”

To get ready for his big Saturday night in Miami, he decided to forgo the Red Bull and drink the vodka straight. When he was sufficiently giddy, he decided to go out. “Here goes” he once again said to himself in the mirror.

He arrived at the club the receptionist had recommended. It was shabby. The patrons didn’t look like they were having a good time in the least. They looked like a rag tag of lost souls trying to forget something or be forgotten.

An older gentleman called him over.  Out of sheer discomfort and the respite from it the man currently offered, Alonzo went.

As soon as he arrived the old man bluntly asked, “You wanna fuck?”

Shocked Alonzo stammered, “Oh, I’m not like that”

“No, you rube” the man laughed. “I got some “Good night Cinderella” with me. You put it in a bitch’s drink. They can’t help but say “yes”; well…” he pondered, “at least they can’t say “no”” the scumbag said. He was already gross in the eyes of Alonzo, but after this exchange he was upgraded to absolutely disgusting. “Come on, I need a youngin’ like you to get them interested, they ain’t gonna mess with an old fart like me out of the blue”

“I’ll pass” Alonzo said.

“Suit yourself” the old man answered, rolling his eyes.

Miraculously, some girls came up to talk to the odd duo. The old man gave Alonzo a wink. He ordered a round of drinks.

“These are on me, ladies” the creep cheered upon arrival of the cocktails.

When the tray was set down, the old man diverted the group’s attention. After some time passed, Alonzo saw him stealthfully spike a drink. Alonzo was actually having a good time for the first time on what has been a disaster of a trip. He didn’t want to spoil it so he let it go.

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I´m in Miami B**** (part 3) FINAL

 

I’m in Miami B****! (part 1)

Alonzo saved money for two years to have a blowout vacation in Miami. He, being from Wisconsin, held ideas about Miami that were quite romanticized to say the least. Miami represented a fantasy of tropical paradise and non-stop partying.

Besides the financial burden, he also prepared for the trip in other ways. For starters, he drank at least three beers a day, usually a few more. This was to build his tolerance to alcohol. He also scoured the internet for information on prolonging male orgasm. Even though he usually had little to no luck with the ladies back home, surely, he fathomed, things would be different in the M I A. He also took to masturbating three times a day to decrease his sensitivity. He was taking this trip very seriously.

His plane touched down in Miami and he could already feel the warm, humid air from inside the taxiing plane. His excitement increased tenfold. As he took off his Green bay Packers hoodie, that he clearly would not need, he felt for his wad of cash to make sure it was safe.

He was going to spare no expense this weekend. The wad was a loaded banana clip to be sprayed all over Miami in his quest for carnal pleasure.

He got his bag and stepped out to hail a taxi. He saw an unmarked car with the driver leaning on the hood. “You want ride? Where you go?” the driver asked with about as much purchase on the English language as Alonzo had on getting by in the streets of a big city.

“Uh, are you a taxi?” he asked.

“No. I good citizen. I like you. I take where you go” the driver smirked. Alonzo stood there dumbfounded until the driver said, “I joke! Of course I taxi”

They both had a laugh, the driver’s genuine, Alonzo’s more of the nervous sort. Being the people pleaser that he was, Alonzo obliged and stepped into the vehicle despite having reservations.

Through the typical taxi chatter, the driver learned that Alonzo was a fish out of water. “You want ticket for club, much beautiful girl. Good for sex. Go with everybody, even you” the driver offered. “I have good discount”

Slightly offended by the last part of the description, but curious about this oasis of feminine promiscuity, Alonzo asked, “How much?”

“At door $400. Me, $250” the driver answered.

Alonzo rationalized that the $150 he would save on admission, he could buy drinks. “How about 200 bucks?” he asked, feeling like a sly negotiator.

“$225. Last offer.” The driver snapped back.

“Deal!” Alonzo said, reaching for the wad with his chest puffed in pride. The cash caught the driver’s eye and his face lit up like a 50’s neon sign.

“….and kok?” the driver asked.

“Kok?” Alonzo asked, nervously wondering what the driver was going on about.

“Kok! You know, sneef, sneef” the driver answered.

“Oh! Coke” Alonzo corrected. This made him a little nervous. He liked to drink a bit but was not into drugs. He bowed to the tension the driver artificially concocted so well, “Uh, ok. How much?”

“I has good kok. One bag, $200”

Alonzo had no idea if that was a good price or a bad price. On instinct, he felt his hand reaching for his phone to Google it but scolded himself in silence. “I’ll take it” The driver took a sandwich bag full of white powder from the glove box and threw it into the back seat. Alonzo quickly stowed it away in the pocket of his jeans he had specifically bought for the trip. The driver let him off in front of his hotel, considerably lighter in cash. He put his things in his room and went to the hotel computer to look up the club for which he bought a ticket .

To be continued…

I’m in Miami B**** (part2)

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