I´m in Miami B****! (part 3) FINAL

I’m in Miami B****! (part 1)

I’m in Miami B**** (part 2)

 

A half hour after the tray of drinks had been consumed, Alonzo felt incredibly dizzy. His eyes betrayed him. They wouldn’t stay open and when they were, his vision was blurred. His legs felt like jello. He succumbed and collapsed on the spot.

He woke up in a hospital. A nurse came in to check on him and he asked her where he was and what time it was.

“9:00 am, in Mercy Hospital” she said, not even taking her eyes off of her clipboard.

“9:00 in the morning?? I slept through the whole night?” he said. He was extremely saddened to find out he had lost yet another night. He rationed, at least he had one more.

“No hun, you lost two nights. It’s Monday morning!” she said, finally looking up at him, “You had an ungodly amount of homemade barbiturates in your blood. You slept like Cinderella. Doc almost called for a prince to come kiss you awake” she scoffed.

“Oh no! My flight is in two hours. I gotta go!” he said in a panic.

“Hun, you’ll only get released in two hours. You better hold your horses”

When he was finally released, he realized his cash was gone. Credit card, too. He went to the hotel. His bag was confiscated by police when housekeeping found what they thought was cocaine.

“It wasn’t even real” he screamed.

The manager felt so bad for Alonzo he offered the $120 needed to catch a bus to go back home, from his own pocket. Alonzo dejectedly accepted.

The manager left him with one last pearl of wisdom, “Miami ain’t for amateurs, son.”

On the bus back home, Alonzo was sat next to a beautiful woman. She was warm and willing to talk to Alonzo. “How can this go wrong?” he lamented to himself.

Their conversation went great. They seemed to hit it off well. Alonzo glorified his adventure, softening or completely leaving out the most embarrassing parts and playing fast and loose with the truth. They even made plans to go out the next weekend together, back in their home city.

Both decided to get some sleep. They said their last goodbye; to anybody this side of existence. At 3:00am a truck driver, high on methamphetamine swerved into the lane they were traveling on. Not a single person on the bus survived. Because Alonzo had no I.D. and the scale of destruction of the remains of the passengers was so great that identification was impossible, what was scraped up of Alonzo was sent back to Miami to be buried.

The End.

I’m in Miami B****! (part 1)

Alonzo saved money for two years to have a blowout vacation in Miami. He, being from Wisconsin, held ideas about Miami that were quite romanticized to say the least. Miami represented a fantasy of tropical paradise and non-stop partying.

Besides the financial burden, he also prepared for the trip in other ways. For starters, he drank at least three beers a day, usually a few more. This was to build his tolerance to alcohol. He also scoured the internet for information on prolonging male orgasm. Even though he usually had little to no luck with the ladies back home, surely, he fathomed, things would be different in the M I A. He also took to masturbating three times a day to decrease his sensitivity. He was taking this trip very seriously.

His plane touched down in Miami and he could already feel the warm, humid air from inside the taxiing plane. His excitement increased tenfold. As he took off his Green bay Packers hoodie, that he clearly would not need, he felt for his wad of cash to make sure it was safe.

He was going to spare no expense this weekend. The wad was a loaded banana clip to be sprayed all over Miami in his quest for carnal pleasure.

He got his bag and stepped out to hail a taxi. He saw an unmarked car with the driver leaning on the hood. “You want ride? Where you go?” the driver asked with about as much purchase on the English language as Alonzo had on getting by in the streets of a big city.

“Uh, are you a taxi?” he asked.

“No. I good citizen. I like you. I take where you go” the driver smirked. Alonzo stood there dumbfounded until the driver said, “I joke! Of course I taxi”

They both had a laugh, the driver’s genuine, Alonzo’s more of the nervous sort. Being the people pleaser that he was, Alonzo obliged and stepped into the vehicle despite having reservations.

Through the typical taxi chatter, the driver learned that Alonzo was a fish out of water. “You want ticket for club, much beautiful girl. Good for sex. Go with everybody, even you” the driver offered. “I have good discount”

Slightly offended by the last part of the description, but curious about this oasis of feminine promiscuity, Alonzo asked, “How much?”

“At door $400. Me, $250” the driver answered.

Alonzo rationalized that the $150 he would save on admission, he could buy drinks. “How about 200 bucks?” he asked, feeling like a sly negotiator.

“$225. Last offer.” The driver snapped back.

“Deal!” Alonzo said, reaching for the wad with his chest puffed in pride. The cash caught the driver’s eye and his face lit up like a 50’s neon sign.

“….and kok?” the driver asked.

“Kok?” Alonzo asked, nervously wondering what the driver was going on about.

“Kok! You know, sneef, sneef” the driver answered.

“Oh! Coke” Alonzo corrected. This made him a little nervous. He liked to drink a bit but was not into drugs. He bowed to the tension the driver artificially concocted so well, “Uh, ok. How much?”

“I has good kok. One bag, $200”

Alonzo had no idea if that was a good price or a bad price. On instinct, he felt his hand reaching for his phone to Google it but scolded himself in silence. “I’ll take it” The driver took a sandwich bag full of white powder from the glove box and threw it into the back seat. Alonzo quickly stowed it away in the pocket of his jeans he had specifically bought for the trip. The driver let him off in front of his hotel, considerably lighter in cash. He put his things in his room and went to the hotel computer to look up the club for which he bought a ticket .

To be continued…

I’m in Miami B**** (part2)

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