Tag Archives: loser

Man on a ledge

10 Dec

ledge

 

 

 

“I`m so tired” Larry moaned.

“That’s odd” Jan said lazily.

“Why’s that?” Larry asked.

“Because you don’t do anything” she answered not even having the energy to lift her eyes off the tips of her fingernails.

“I do plenty!” he said, slightly peeved.

“Like what?” she yawned.

Larry started to open his mouth to speak but not a thought came to his head. He closed his mouth again. He really didn’t do anything. He never had. He was even too lazy to breast feed when he was an infant and here he was, 35 years old, no job, renting a tiny apartment paid for by the government and without a hobby.

“I’m waiting” Jan said unable to hide the boredom in her voice.

Larry felt a slight panic in his chest. Up to this point he had never evaluated his life, not even for a moment. He was closer to animal than to human in the survivalist way he conducted his life. Food, shelter, sleep, television. Those were the only necessities he required. He couldn’t believe what he was feeling. He couldn`t believe he was feeling. When you are accustomed to leading a life as profound a loser as Larry, you don’t feel much. That is the only way to move forward in these circumstances.

“Just wait right here” Larry said to Jan.

“Ok” Jan almost whispered without an ounce of curiosity as to where Larry was going.

Larry undid the four locks of his third floor apartment. He made his way to the staircase. He took a deep breath before opening the heavy metal door. He made his way up the six flights of stairs that led to the tenth floor. At the ninth floor, he noticed that the light was burned out and he walked the rest of the way in complete darkness. When he reached the door that gives access to the roof he paused. He pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket. As he lit his cigarette in the dark he marveled at the pale illumination the lighter gave off.  He took a long drag of the cigarette and opened the door.

The light was blinding because of the darkness he had just spent the last few moments in. The air was so warm that the wind was hot. It felt like the exhaust of a tractor trailer being blown on his face. He stood there just feeling the hot wind and letting his cigarette burn down.  He did this for so long a time that the cigarette had burned down to the filter and reached his fingers. The pain felt so good to Larry at that moment.

He made his way to the ledge and looked down.  He couldn’t help but feel like a failure. Everybody who had come into contact with him had been let down at some point. He stepped up onto the waist high wall. He felt unbalanced on the wall but he was strangely unafraid. Then he heard a scratching in the gravel that covered the rooftop. It was the stray cat that hangs around the building and whom Larry would give food on a daily basis. It too jumped up on the wall. It started to rub its head on Larry`s head.

Larry bent over to pick up the cat and he immediately burst into tears. This sudden eruption of emotion was just what it took to topple his already precarious balance.  In thirty five years Larry had avoiding killing anything. That day he succeeded in killing two.