The Loophole

As Marie made breakfast, the rest of the house lay silent in slumber. Sometime had past and her husband appeared in the kitchen followed by her twin girls.

“Where’s Matt?” Marie asked her husband.

“Probably still sleeping, he’s all tuckered out from basketball practice last night” he answered.

“I’ll go check on him” Marie said.

As she approached the door, she heard sobbing. “What’s the matter, honey?” she asked.

“I’ve been praying every night for a bike, for two weeks now. Every single day. I wake up and there is never a bike here” he answered.

“Oh, honey, it doesn’t work that way” she said.

”When Aunt Betty had cancer, she prayed and had us pray too and it went away” he answered.

“Oh, that’s different” she answered.

“How? Remember when Dad lost his job? You two prayed for a new one and even for help with the bills” he defied.

“Yeah, that’s different too, dear” she answered. She really didn’t know what else to say. “Let’s get going, we’ll be late for church. You want to see your friends at Sunday school, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do” he conceded.

*         *         *          *          *          *

“You can do anything?” Matt asked his Sunday school teacher, “And all you have to do is ask for forgiveness? And everything is ok? I still get to go to heaven?”

“That´s right, thanks to the sacrifice Jesus made for us!” his teacher dutifully answered.

*          *          *          *          *          *

Later that day, Matt was shooting hoops with his friends. He saw a group of kids he didn’t recognize and one of them had a shiny red bicycle that caught his eye. Matt couldn’t focus on the game. All he could think about was the bike.

Dinner time came and the kids started to disperse. Matt told his friends he was going to hang around a little longer and practice free throws. The other group of kids was on the other side of the park and the bike was left unguarded.

Matt snuck over, mounted the bike and took off. Matt had never felt so alive in his few years on the planet. “God answered my prayers!” he thought.

He hid the bike in the trash heap his family called a garage. No one but him ever entered so he knew the bike would go unnoticed.

Later that night as he lay down to go to sleep he prayed “Thank you Lord for my health, my home, my family and my new bike. Bless my friend, my family and one more thing; please forgive me for stealing today. I’m very sorry. Amen.”

Twice Defrocked

 

Jen and Robert decided that they were going to adopt. After years of research and straddling the fence on the issue, they decided to make this life altering decision, though they had no idea how life altering the process would be. One of their biggest hang ups was about religion. Jen was a devout Catholic, as devout as an American could possibly be. Rob on the other hand had an almost irrational hatred for the Catholic Church and all Christian doctrine for that matter. This caused many arguments about how they would raise the child but they came to the conclusion that they would let the child decide for itself when the time came.

Jen´s life was an open book to all who knew her whereas Rob´s life had much mystery beyond the 6 years that they were together. He told Jen that he was a victim of severe abuse and escaped his home at age 16 so he didn´t like to talk about that. Then, with fake documents, he entered the military and served in Iraq which was so traumatic that he didn´t like talking about the either. When Jen met him, he was working as a toll booth operator on the NJ turnpike. He used the veil of abuse to hide his past from her.

They decided on an agency and went downtown to get the paperwork rolling. Rob was very nervous on the car ride. He was visibly nervous.

“What´s wrong, hun?” Jen asked.

“Nothing. It´s just this is the biggest decision of our lives and I am a little nervous” he answered.

“Don´t worry, it´ll be all right. We are ready for this” she said. “We are not going into this all willy nilly. We are totally prepared for anything that is thrown at us.”

“Are we really?” he said before going silent.

At the agency, the couple was handed a thick folder full of informative brochures and forms to fill out. They were briefed by an agent for over an hour. It was surprisingly pleasant.

On the way home Jen said to Rob “I have a good feeling about this”. Rob just nodded.

They sent the paperwork away and waited. The agent told them that it could take up to one month to hear anything. During this month Rob was agitated and very short with Jen. He wasn´t eating and could not get through a whole night without waking up many times.

The day came. A letter from the adoption agency arrived in their mailbox. Rob was leaving work early trying to beat Jenna home so he could intercept the mail. On this day, someone called off so Rob had to stay an extra hour to cover the shift until a replacement came.

When Rob got home Jen was on the couch crying.

“What´s wrong?” he asked.

She slowly looked up. “Who are you?” she said between sobs.

“What?” he said, his mind now spinning trying to think of the motive for such a question. He knew the question would come one day but he needed to know what she knew so he could spin it in the direction he wanted.

“The agency said that the Social Security number you gave does not exist” she said.

“Maybe I wrote it down wrong. Let´s just resubmit the paperwork” he said, his voice shaking.

“I double checked all the information. It was all correct. Why is it saying that you don´t exist?” she said, her anger rising.

Rob knew this was the end of the line. He had to come clean. He knew this adoption would be the undoing of everything. He stalled Jen as long as he could over the past few years. He knew there would be background checks. He knew his new life would come to an end. He couldn´t stall her anymore. She was adamant about this adoption.

He thought about his options. Tell her another lie to get through these next few moments, pack a bag, flee and start again? Take his own life as to not cause any more suffering than he had already caused? Tell her the truth and see how she reacts? The weight on his shoulders was great. He had been living a lie for so long. He made his choice. Truth.

“Jen, 10 years ago I was a priest. I was a damn good one. I helped so many people. But I could not fix myself. I had appetites. Horrible appetites. No praying in the world would make them go away. I had others pray for me. It didn´t help. I started acting on these appetites. Then people started whispering, the whispers turned to chatter until the chatter turned to screams. I had to move. The church moved across the country. The appetites followed. I couldn´t help myself. My God wasn´t strong enough to stop me! They moved me again but the people already knew why I was there when I arrived. I couldn´t stay. I paid some gangster 10,000 dollars to create this new life for me in New Jersey. Since we´ve been together, I have not acted out once! Please believe me. I love you.”

Jen saw through the fog of shock enough to mutter two words, “Get out.”

 

The Older Woman

There she lay, glistening in a sensual sizzle. The straps of her bikini undone, dangling from the sides of her folding chair tempting him in a way that brought physical pain to his loins.

He watched her from the kitchen window. She was getting her afternoon sun on her well worked body. His teenage erection was completely unhidden in his knee length basketball shorts, sans underwear. The feeling of the silky fabric rubbing on him every time he moved his hips made it difficult for him to stand still. He looked like a novice hula dancer swaying his hips so erratically.

Her body was perfect and not just for a woman of her age, though she wore her 50 years fabulously, but for a woman of any age. A rare mix of great genetics and vanity, she took very good care of herself. She had no idea that she had an audience at the moment.

His vision was going in and out of blurry spells, the fire so stoked in his loins. He couldn´t take it. He needed release. He promised himself he wouldn´t do this anymore. He had asked his pastor if this behavior was all right and as he expected, was told no. He prayed to make these feelings go away. But they didn´t. It did not help that prayer time was so close to same time where he was left alone with his thoughts in the dark. With no one around. No one watching.

He asked God to forgive him one more time as he reached for the cooking oil. He splashed a little in his palm. It was enough. In fact, it was unnecessary as there was enough Cowper’s fluid accumulated that it looked as though he had wet himself a little.

He reached into his shorts and almost instantly a wave of delicious shame pulsated through his body. He felt amazing and awful as his eyes fluttered and became difficult to keep open. He even uttered an audible ‘uh’. His knees went weak and then he felt panic. She was tying her bikini up. She was coming inside.

The orgasm hadn´t even fully finished and she was steps away from the back door. He didn´t know what to do so he and his handful of shame opened the door to the basement. He didn´t even think about turning on the light. He just stumbled down the stairs into the musty darkness.

“What do you want for lunch” called the voice of the once object of his deepest desire.

A shaky voice came from the darkness of the basement. “Nothing, Mom.”

Christian Chicks

 

“Why are you always going after Christian girls, Tony?” Nick asked.

“Well, I figure, they already beleive in stupid shit, so it is easy to convince them to come to bed with me” Tony replied matter of factly, as if he has been rehearsing this answer for some time.

“I never thought of it that way. But don’t they get all moral on you when things start to get hot and heavy?” Nick asked.

“Not really. You see, most of these Christian chicks are pretty messed up. If they didn’t have Jesus in thier life, they’d probably be drunks or drug users. So in that way, they have that thrill seeking gene. They get all Jesus upped at church on the weekend the same way some chicks get all decked out and sloppy at a club. During the week, the club chick don’t think about the club and the Christian girl don’t think about Jesus until Sunday. They are pretty similar in that way. But the Christians chicks are clean.”

“Wow, you got it all figured out, don’t you Tony” Nick said with admiration in his voice.

“Of course not. But it works for me” Tony said.

“I just have one more question. Don’t you feel bad that you are condemning them to a future of eternity in hell?” Nick asked.

With that question, Tony let out a roaring laugh that was so contagious that Nick couldn’t help but join him.