Fear of High

 

“I’m exhausted” Adie said aloud, though to herself, as she poured vodka into a glass. She had just put her baby, Belle, to bed after much fussing. As she put the bottle down, she reached for a half smoked joint. She went right to the kitchen window and smoked what was left.

The alcohol and marijuana always offered the same one-two punch. The booze numbed her while the weed sunk her into a pit of guilt and memories, deep inside her mind. She sat down on the couch with a familiar feeling of satisfactory intoxication and echoing regret.

“Why am I here again?” she pondered. The feeling was compounded by knowing she told herself she would “take a break” today, when she woke up with a slight headache from the previous night’s exaggerated indulgence.

These thoughts vanished like a puff of smoke in the wind when she heard a desperate scratching at the front door of her apartment. At first she thought it was a cat. Then she thought, but how? None of the neighbors on her floor even had a cat.

Furthermore, how would a cat get through the front door of the building and past security? After that feat, it would have had to either used the elevator or managed to open two fire doors and climbed the stairs to the fifth floor.

She was petrified with fear. The scratching continued, slightly more frantic now. Belle started crying. Belle only woke if she was sick. Something must be dreadfully wrong. Adie rushed into the baby’s room and immediately locked the door behind her.

She soothed the agitated baby; herself shaking all over. She couldn’t focus on a single thought of the many swirling in her head but they were all colored by terror. “What kind of mother am I?” she thought. “I can’t even protect my daughter, I’m so high”

As Belle calmed down, Adie fought back sobs. She put the baby back down to bed and went to confront the threat.

“If I die tonight protecting Belle” she thought, “At least my life was useful for something. Up to this point I’ve been a worthless loser” Calling for help was completely out of the question when Adie was in this state. Her paranoia of people didn’t even let her answer her phone when she was like this. Hearing footsteps in the communal hall sent her into panic so she knew she had to conquer this on her own.

She fumbled with her purse for the mace and stun-gun she had never used. Everything fell to the floor. Between the panic and the inebriation, her motor skills were compromised.

The scratching reduced but had not ceased. As she walked to the door, she played out many scenarios in her head. None ended well for her. After what felt like a long journey, she made it to the door.

First, she undid the chain, then the bolt. When she went for the lock on the doorknob the scratching picked up in intensity. She threw open the door. A shadowy figure darted for the couch. In the melee she couldn’t make out what it was.

Her eyes focused. There sitting on the back of the couch was Hope, her very own cat. In her intoxication she had forgotten she had one. That night she promised she’d reel it in and clean herself up. It wasn’t the first time she made that vow and it wasn’t the last.

 

A Wedge Between Pt. 4

A Wedge Between Pt. I

A Wedge Between Pt. 2

A Wedge Between Pt. 3

“What have you done?” Isabel cried.

“I dunno…I went blank. I wasn’t in control” Stodler answered.

“We have to call an ambulance, the pol…” she said before Stodler interjected.

“NO! We have to figure this out first” he said, visibly shaking all over.

“What’s there to figure out? My father needs help!” she barely got the words out through heavy sobs. She knew her father was beyond help and she saw Stodler through different eyes. He was a monster to her now.

“This can really fuck everything up I’ve worked for, so far” he said.

“What are you even saying?” she said as she reached for her cell phone. Stodler promptly slapped it out of her hand.

“Let’s calm the fuck down here. We can take care of this. Together. I hope.” Stodler started to become eerily calm.

Isabel could only cower. She was truly afraid of Stodler. She was now looking for a way out of this alive.

“He was going to ruin us anyway. This is for the better. We can hide the body. Nobody will know” Stodler said with a wild look in his eyes.

“Monster! Who are you?” Isabel shrieked, snapping out of her trance.

Just then an Audi pulled up and immediately turned off the headlights. A pretty young woman and a balding man with a pot belly got out. The man was so sloppy about concealing his weapon, the hand grip of his .40 caliber Glock was showing above his waistline.

Stodler went to the window to see who arrived. “What the hell?” was all that he could mutter. The new arrivals didn’t even get to knock on the door, Stodler opened it before knuckles made contact with the wood.

“I bet your glad to see me” the woman said. She surveyed the room. She saw a broken table, a dead man and an almost catatonic woman on the floor.

“I haven’t seen you since high school” Stodler said, searching his mental data base for a name. He finally came up with one, “Amanda?!”

 

A Wedge Between Pt. 5

 

 

Left Behind

 “Sometimes the fear of getting left behind is greater than the fear of getting wet.”  -Otto Kilcher

 

As Jim looked over the cliff he kicked a stone over. He counted almost three seconds before he heard the splash below. His stomach was turning over with fear. No matter how hard he tried, he could not hide the fact that he was extremely nervous about the jump.

“You´re not thinking of chickening out, are you?” Mike said.

“No” Jim answered looking not at Mike but out into the horizon and beyond to infinity.

When Jim looked down to the water below he felt a sickening dizziness. He was not sure how he was going to make this jump. He was terrified of heights, not a good swimmer and not very adventurous. In fact, he thought the notion of testing one’s self a bunch of nonsense. His philosophy in life was to be as comfortable as possible until you die.

His mother would not let him play sports as a youth for fear he would hurt himself. In junior high school he never asked a girl out for fear she would say no. In college he took accounting because he knew it was an exact science and he would easily land a job upon graduation. His life was, work, television and sleep. This vigorous schedule was interrupted when a coworker asked him if he was like to go on a picnic with some others from the office. Little did he know, to get to the picnic spot, there would be a fifty foot cliff dive followed by a quarter mile swim to a deserted island.

When the first picnic goer made the plunge, a petite secretary not much more than 20 years old, Jim almost fainted. It´s on. No turning back now.

The second person to make the jump was an ex special forces officer now turned middle manager. This comforted Jim a little more. He´s a real man, he thought. Of course he should be able to do this.

When the third, fourth and fifth jumpers were all woman, Jim knew he had jump. A few more people later, the last person jumped and Jim was the only one left on the cliff. He could see the petite secretary, the first to jump, was almost at the shore of the destination island.

All of a sudden a new dread washed over Jim. He was alone. For the first time in his life he felt the solitude that his fearful life has brought. A tear rolled down his eye. He felt grateful that Mike invited him. For the first time, he felt he wanted to belong. The water all of a sudden appeared closer, the swim, not so daunting. What waited for him on the white, soft sandy shore was a chance at friendship. A chance at belonging.

Jim closed his eyes. He cleared his mind of all thoughts. Then, with a force behind him that was not quite his own, he stepped over. He wanted to scream but nothing came out. Then his feet smacked the water, stinging them something awful, but the pain was not unbearable. In fact, it was liberating. Jim left out a “Whoo-hoo” and a fist pump over his head under the water. As he bobbed up he got his bearings and set off, doggy paddle style, to the island.