Sloths to a Flame

 

Felix and Gilbert were hanging in a tree doing what sloths do best, relaxing in the hot afternoon sun. They were also observing Dale, who was busy collecting buds that were particular to the season and also considered a delicacy to the species.

“That Dale! Who does he think he is, making us look bad for doing what we’re supposed to do?” Felix grumbled.

“It ain’t natural, Felix” Gilbert lazily answered.

Dale overheard the conversation but he didn’t let it bother him. He was used to it. Ever since he was a kid, he had more energy that the other sloths. He was never content just hanging in a tree.

The council of elders tried many interventions. There was counseling, homeopathic therapies, even pseudo-medicinal rituals involving chanting, rainforest plants and dancing. Nothing took the wind out of his sails. The elders reluctantly gave up and let him be an active sloth.

Dale spent weeks collecting and stowing buds in hollowed, fallen trees. He garnered enough buds for many times more sloths than were in the group in which he lived, yet he felt compelled to gather more. When he slept he dreamt about buds.

A few weeks later Felix and Gilbert were hanging in their favorite tree when the sun was slowly covered by a thick grey that wasn’t cloud formations.

“What do you think that is, Gilbert?” Felix asked.

“I don’t know, Felix but it don’t look good” was his only response.

Little did they know, the rain forest all around them was ablaze. Pure coincidence protected them. A few geographical features, like a wide stream to the north and a sheer rock face to the east were keeping them safe.

Close to evening a massive group of foreign sloths slowly dragged themselves to their safe spot.

“We’ve made it! We are safe!” the leader said as he looked back to his comrades. The news was met by a hail of cheers.

“Not so fast!” Felix said, “What do you all think you are doing here?”

“We’ve escaped unthinkable horrors! The forest is burning. There has been a lot of death and destruction. Please, show mercy, let us stay. At least until the fires die down…” he pleaded.

“There aren’t enough leaves in this patch of land for all of us! You might have survived these fires, but we’ll all die from starvation if you stay!” Felix shot back.

“Can I say something?” Dale meekly interjected.

“What could you possibly have to say, you busy body?” Felix snapped.

“With all due respect” Dale said, “We most certainly do have enough food for us and them. And for a good while”

“How so?” Felix asked, genuinely curious.

“I have buds stored all over the place. Almost every fallen tree from here to the outer edges is stuffed with them. There might be enough for months” he answered.

The group was so quiet one could hear the distant crackle of the burning jungle. “All right, you can stay until the situation improves” Felix said.

The crown roared with joy. In a few weeks the rains put out the remaining fires. The displaced sloths found a suitable home fairly close to their new found friends.

 

Swooping In

Barry and Melvin, two painted turtles, were sunning themselves on a rock on a warm early spring afternoon.

“It was a brutal winter this year, eh, Mel?” Barry asked.

“The worst” he slowly answered.

“Didn’t think I’d make it through” Barry said.

“Even though you say that every year, I gotta say, I kinda felt that way too” Melvin said.

“My shell got so cold it hurt” Barry said.

“But now we’re here, living the life” Melvin answered.

“Nothing better, belly full of fish, beautiful scenery…” he stopped short when the sun was shadowed by an unidentified flying object.

“Oh no, Barry! I think it’s an eagle. Don’t move! He might not see us” Melvin said.

“Not see us? It’s a goddamn eagle, Mel!” Barry cried.

“He’s swooping! Get in your shell!” Mel screamed.

As they heard the approaching whistle, the result of air rushing through the eagle’s feathers, they imagined they survived the brutal winter for naught. Barry imagined the things he could have been doing that very moment instead of wasting time on that rock. Melvin wished he could kiss his mate and offspring just one more time.

They heard the click of the eagle’s talons on the very rock they were on. They both held their breath and waited to be carried away by the shell to be dropped on jagged rocks to be smashed open and made a meal.

“Hey guys” the eagle said. “Some winter, eh?”

Both turtles peeked their heads out of their shells. Barry answered first with a slight stammer, “Ahhh, a real doozy”

“The worst” Melvin sheepishly chimed in.

“Hey, I’m not here to eat you guys” the Eagle said with a cackling laugh, “there’s barely anyone awake in these parts yet and I saw you two here. I just wanted to talk to someone. Anyone.”

Both immediately popped the rest of their way out of their shells. Melvin spoke up first. “Of course not!”

Barry followed up with “Wouldn’t even think of it”

 

 

Living on a Prayer (Part 5) Final Episode

Rick came creeping up on the scene in desert camo. The townsfolk were still gathered around the burrow both curious about the interaction of the two groups of dogs under their feet and yet worried about the sick ones. Some were on their knees praying.

“They ain’t talking to the real God. The real God wants ‘em dead” Rick said as he spat on the ground.

*          *          *           *         *          *

“Hey Timmy, I´m going to nose around outside and see if I can find anything out” Clapper said.

“Those people are still out there, they might hurt you” he answered.

“No, they brought us here. From what I gather, they’re on your side, but I am still not 100% sure”

*          *           *           *           *          *

Clapper snuck out a rear hole. He immediately smelled traces of the poison in the air. He couldn´t pinpoint the source of the smell but it was surely not coming from the mass of the townsfolk gathered around the burrow. He picked up a strong scent and followed it to some shrubs around 30 yards from where they were. He found a scraggly man hiding out in the bushes in a prone position. The smell was surely coming from him.

Clapper snuck up from behind the man and with ferocious speed, bit off a chunk of the subject’s calf. “OUCH!” Rick cried from the bushes.

“Rick? What the hell you doing over there?” Judge yelled. “You ain’t got nuttin to do with these sick critters now, do you?”

Rick was wild eyed, “It ain’t right! Prairie dogs gots to pray! You shouldn’t have to teach ‘em. These here ain’t of God.”

Clapper was confused but he started putting the pieces together.

“These here Texas dogs are Godly. They pray. Ours don’t. Ours are of the devil”

Clapper finally figured out why he and his cohorts were brought to this dog town.

“Sheriff, put him in cuffs, for animal cruelty” Judge ordered and the sheriff obliged.

“Man law can’t get my soul!” Rick yelled as he was put in the Sheriff’s SUV and taken away.

“What a night, Judge!” Mary Ann said as her hand brushed his. She was surprised when he gently took hold of it.

“Yeah, sure was a little crazy. How about we make it a little crazier? I would like to ask you out to dinner with me some time, if you´d like…” he asked.

“My word, I’ve been waiting a long time to hear those words! YES!” she answered. “Look! There are some prairie dogs coming out of the borrow, they look fine!”

*          *          *           *            *          *

“You were brought here to teach us to pray, yet you guys don´t even do it?” Sammy asked, laughing to himself.  

“It’s what I gathered; and that crazy guy in the bushes tried to kill you guys for not doing so” Clapper answered, “I recommend you give them what they want. We can teach you how to meditate, we all do it. It’s wonderful. Life changing even. You could assume the prayer position and appease the townsfolk and yet benefit from this time spent”

“Ah-hem” Timmy said.

“Just keep praying Timmy” Sammy said, “You aren’t hurting or annoying anyone and you like it” he finished, giving Timmy a high five.

“Clapper, are you guys gonna stay with us?” Julie asked.

“I guess that’s up to the townsfolk. We are quite a ways  away from Texas” he answered, “But, wherever we end up, I believe it’s how it’s supposed to be”

 

The end.

Living on a Prayer (Part 3)

Living on a Prayer (Part 1)

Living on a Prayer (Part 2)

Judge sent Saul to procure native prairie dogs from Texas. He was given the instructions to come back with at least twenty and to make sure he saw them praying before picking them. A week later he came back with 50 Texas prairies dogs. In the meantime, the community was following Mary Ann´s recommendation, holding nightly prayer vigils around the prairie dog town.

*           *          *          *          *          *

Sammy turned to Julie “What is this all about?”

“I have no idea but I kind of like the songs” she answered.

“I love it!” Timmy said “Who knows, maybe you two will change your minds after all” he trailed off and started singing along to one of the hymns. He had memorized all of them after the third day.

“I have an uneasy feeling about this. The humans up to now have pretty much left us alone. The last time they paid a lot of attention to us, they killed us off, you know” Sammy said.

*           *          *          *          *          *

The townsfolk decided to introduce the native prairie dogs during one of the nightly vigils. They were going to release them on two separate nights, 25 each night. Rick hadn´t been seen for days and the whole town was a little worried about that.

*          *          *          *         *           *

“I don´t feel well” Sammy said.

“Me neither” Julie said.

“I told you guys not to eat that stuff we found! How many others ate it?” Timmy asked.

“Almost everybody” Julie answered.

Moans were echoing through the burrows. The sounds of vomiting and lamenting were deafening. Timmy immediately started praying.

*         *          *          *          *          *

 

Rick was in his basement in front of a monitor. He had hidden game cameras all around the burrows. He was rejoicing in the prairie dogs’ agony.

“Serves them damn heathen prairie dogs right!” he said to himself. “God wanted em dead and I shall be the hand of the Lord” he paused, “That sounds perty good” he added, cracking another beer and cackling over his own wit.

  (To be continued…)

Living on a Prayer (Part 4)

Living on a Prayer (Part 2)

Living on a Prayer (Part 1)

While Timmy was still deep in prayer, more prairie dogs started to come out of the burrow.

“Hey guys!” Julie said to Sammy and Timmy.

“Shhhhh…” Sammy said mockingly, “Father Dear is having a sacred moment over here”

“I can still hear you” Timmy said, opening his eyes “Ah, now I can start my day”

“You still doing that Timmy? You must be like, literally the only one left” Julie said, “I sometimes get the urge, but then I´m like ‘Why bother’” Julie said.

“You should go with that urge, Julie. It´ll make you feel good” Timmy said.

Julie and Sammy just looked at each other. They then turned to Timmy and in unison said “Nah!”

“Let´s go to work, guys?” Sammy said.

“Let´s” Timmy and Julie answered.

*           *          *          *          *          *

Back at the town hall, people were slowly filling the rows of foldable chairs. The back row was already occupied by sleeping seniors.

When everyone was seated, Judge banged the table with his hammer. “I hope everybody had a good lunch and your bellies are full. We got business to attend to. Let´s spitball some ideas”

Mary Ann stood and said “We could hold a prayer vigil at night around their holes and sing hymns. Maybe we can reinstill the Lord in them beautiful critters.

“All right, I like that” Judge said with a smile while simultaneously making and avoiding eye contact with her.

“I know the solution” Rick said as he stood up. He made his way to the front of the congregation as to address it head on, “We killed em off once and we can kill em again. It ain´t natural they ain´t praying. They´s prairie dogs. Pray is in they name. Maybe God didn´t want them back. Maybe it was a mistake and this is a sign it ain´t Godly”

The crowd was murmuring. Mary Ann stood up, “Surely you don´t mean that” she paused, “besides we spent a lot of money already to bring them back”

“We done spent a lot of money in Vietnam and that don´t mean we should have gone on being there and it sure don´t mean it was right” Rick answered.

“Rick, not everything is about Vietnam and killing” Mary Ann said.

“Well, that´s my idea” Rick said as he started for his seat again.

“Thank you Rick, anybody else?” Judge asked. Nobody stirred. “So we got prayin and killin. I ain´t one for killin, so…

“Suit yourself” Rick said with a sneer, “Ya´ll do what ya´ll gotta do, I´m gonna do what I´s gotta do”

A hand rose meekly from the middle of the room.

“Please stand up, Saul” Judge asked.

Saul obliged and nervously started, “This phenomenon has only been observed in reintroduced Cynomys, or prairie dogs if you will, correct?”

“Quit using them big words” Rick interjected.

Judge shot Rick a reprimanding look and turned to Saul, “Please Saul, go on”

“Yes, you see, native Cynomys across the region still pray in majority numbers. Only the reintroduced ones do not. I believe, if we could introduce some native Cynomys to our Cynomys’ town, they might get them to pray”

Some scattered applause erupted from the crowd. “That´s smart!” someone yelled. Rick just sat there with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. 

Living on a Prayer (Part 3)

Living on a Prayer (Part 1)

 

Prairie dogs were once one of the most abundant mammals in the Great Plains region of the United States of America. They were thought of as a nuisance by the settlers and therefore brutally massacred, almost to extinction. In fact, at one point, Arizona did completely eradicate the critters inside its border.

Efforts have been to reintroduce the rodents to their natural habitat in the state of Arizona. It has paid off. Although their numbers are nowhere near their peak, there are many healthy, thriving communities that known as “towns”. There seems to be on anomaly with this second generation of prairie dogs that has the locals in an uproar.

*          *          *          *          *          *

Timmy and Sammy popped their heads out of their burrow at the same time as every other day, just at the break of sunrise. Timmy surveyed their vast dessert domain and said to Sammy, “Good morning! How about we pray a little?”

“No, I´m not feeling it today” Sammy answered.

“You´re not feeling it almost every day as of late”

“Yeah, I don´t know. I just don´t think it does anything” Sammy said, looking down at the warming, red clay desert floor.

“What do you mean? We are back from extinction! That´s a miracle, that´s God!” Timmy said with enthusiasm.

Sammy felt peeved by Timmy´s fervor “We were extinct. Millions of us were murdered. We wouldn´t have had to come back from extinction if we hadn´t been extinct in the first place!”

“Fair enough, but suit yourself” Timmy said, closing his eyes. “but I choose to stay positive, besides, believing gives me powers to not do some things that I would otherwise do” he said before falling into silent prayer.

“I prefer to be a realist. Face life and reality on their terms and I got discipline. I don´t need no ghost in the sky to get me to not do stuff”

Without opening his eyes Timmy put his index finger to his lips and said “Shhhhhh…”

*           *          *          *          *          *

Right before lunchtime, back in the town, the people were having a community meeting.

“Order!” Judge Barns said as he smacked the table with a hammer, an actual framing hammer, not a gavel.

“But we´re hungry Judge” Andy said.

“We need to get to the order of business, the damn heathen prairie dogs” he answered.

“Language” Mary Ann piped up.

“Sorry” Judge said, blushing, “These gosh darn prairie dogs”

“They ain´t prayin’! Why they ain´t prayin’?” shouted a concerned citizen.

“I have no idea” Judge said. “But Andy´s right. Let´s adjourn for lunch and meet back here in an hour and a half”

“Here, here!” the crowd shouted.

Living on a Prayer (Part 2)

 

Flying High!

Gale worked very hard to get where she was. She logged many miles before she took the point position of the V. Gale was a goose and led the flock while flying in their migrating V pattern.

Gale studied Spanish for years to become fluent so she could lead Mexican migrations and she was studying French so she could pick up some French Canadian migrations, as well. She even worked with a speech therapist to get rid of her thick Boston accent because she thought it would give her a slight edge in her career. She thought she´d be taken more seriously.

Despite her successes, she couldn’t help but feel slightly incomplete. She thought it may be the lack of younglings in her life. She laid some eggs but it didn’t move the needle for her. Furthermore, although ashamed to admit it out loud, she was even a little relieved when neither egg hatched.

She wanted to make a mark. She wanted to leave a legacy. She studied all the great geese navigators. She idolized them. Her favorite was DuMont, who was credited with inventing the flying V formation. She poured over tomes about his life and the science of the V formation.

One night her big idea came. She was going to revolutionize the migration pattern. She stayed up countless nights going over her math. She came to the conclusion that a slight U would be superior to a V. She was excited. She was going to test her theory this fall during the migration to Chihuahua, Mexico. “Vámanos!!!” was all she could think.

One unusually warm fall day, she laid out her plan in the middle of a verdant field. She showed her math. She even had a PowerPoint presentation, just in case, but didn´t need to show it. The co-pointers were weary of the plan, but they trusted Gale. She was on track to become not just the first trilingual goose of her flock, but of their entire region. In the end, they put their whole trust in her.

The moment of departure came. Everyone was in their respective position. Take off went smoothly. Gale´s anxiety decreased with every mile behind her tail feathers. The confidence in her plan grew. A smile started to form in the corners of her beak. All of a sudden, something caught her eye that wiped that smile away.

“A duck blind” she thought to herself. “Poachers at this time of year??? Just my luck!” Then she heard the first boom from a shotgun.

“Don´t panic!” she screamed to her flock.

“Gonna be hard not to!” answered one of her co-pointers.

“Just follow my lead” Gale answered. She started to make ever so slight zig zag motions and her flock followed in perfect unison. Now the shots were thundering with such frequency it sounded like the finale of a Fourth of July fireworks display. Hearts were pounding. Adrenaline was flowing.

Despite their utter fear, not one goose was even close to a BB being sprayed from the booming guns. Gale´s brave decision was working. Meanwhile down on the ground, there was a group of very frustrated hunters. Curses were flying more than goose shot.

“What the…”

“Why they in a darn U?”

“Can´t hit any of ‘em in that there U! Why ain´t they in a blasted V???”

“When they in a V, it´s like shooting fish in a barrel. Can´t hit nutten in this here U!”

“What´s gotten into them there crazy geese? They done lost they minds flying in a U like that there!”

The shots and cursing eventually grew from distant noise to silence. Gale finally breathed a sigh of relief. They eventually made their way to Mexico. They were even slightly ahead of time and in high spirits. The U was a smashing success. Gale considered it a success solely based on their early arrival. She had no idea it was the reason the hunters were unable to hit any geese and that it saved the flock’s life.

The Astonishing Discovery of the Eta Wolf

It is a well-known and documented fact that wolves live in a strict and well enforced hierarchy. What has come to light only recently is how this hierarchy is decided and upon this revelation a discovery was made, a new rank in the hierarchy previously unobserved. The Eta wolf lives a tumultuous life and ends up finishing its life at the lowest rung of the social ladder. A new study has given us insight never even imagined until now.

A group of biologists went deep into the Adirondack Mountains to discover the answers to many questions. How does the Alpha reach the top? How does the Delta acquire its caregiving nature? How do Alphas choose the Betas and give them positions of such trust. They were shocked when they observed a strange group which they dubbed Etas. The Eta experience a downward spiral in social standing that is brutal and demonstrates Nature´s sometimes obscene cruelty. One could interpret the data to show that some beasts are born to suffer.

Let´s start with the birth and subsequent social ascent of the Eta. The Eta apparently rises to a social level beyond that of the Alpha. A major distinction is that the Eta, although socially higher at this point is still controlled by the Alpha. An Eta can be born from every social rank. Even Etas can produce more Etas, though this phenomenon is rare.

What appears to separate an Eta from the rest of the pack is either an extreme talent, such as howling more beautifully than other wolves or having extreme physical attributes. Some Etas climb the social pyramid on sheer need for attention and an ability to obtain said attention. Etas tend to have sad stories from the very beginning of life. Sometimes they were weened too early from the teat by an uncaring mother or not even given milk at all. The latter are generally raised by foster wolves. There is apparently a lot of abuse in the pasts of many Eta wolves.

Etas experience a meteoric rise in social standing. They are given access other wolves could only dream of. They are exempt from any actual communal work. In fact, it is thought they are a net burden on the pack when they are on the social rise or at the apex of their social standing. They are given the choice entrails of the hunt, which they generally had no participation in.

The life of the Eta strikes tragedy after having spent some time at the apex of the social structure. Other wolves start looking for behaviors that can bring the Eta down. This is not difficult given the large amount of abuse the Eta endures during the formative years. Etas generally suffer from a plethora of psychological disorders.

Once the Eta starts displaying erratic behavior, the other wolves viciously attack both physically and emotionally. It has been observed that even the Iota wolf, generally the lowest ranking wolf in the pack, get their licks in when the Eta has been taken down significantly. It is even believed that the Iotas experience a brief feeling of belonging to a higher social rank when administering attacks both physically and emotionally on an Eta. The mere besmirching of an Eta’s character behind its back has been observed to offer a similar phenomenon to a lesser extent.

Etas get to live a wave like life of the best and the worst that pack life has to offer. It appears they are created to be elevated only to be knocked down. What astonished researchers the most was that even with the knowledge that the climb to the top will be met with a great fall, there are always Etas born, generation after generation, that are willing to take that risk.

 

Sniffing Out A Friend

With his nose inches from the ground, Reilly followed the tracks of his best friend Shadow in the semi-soft mud. Even though he knew his nose wasn´t what it used to, he was sure he would find his friend. This isn´t the first time Shadow disappeared, plus it had rained two days ago making easier work of the tracking.

First, Reilly checked all of Shadow´s normal hiding places. He wasn´t in any of them. Shadow had a proclivity for going on mulberry benders. He innocently called it “gone berrying” but in reality it involved him going into the woods and eating fermented mulberries until he had no idea whose tail he was chasing. He would then return a few days later dirty, hungry and a little ashamed.

Next, Reilly checked a few places Shadowed has wandered off to after having had lost one of the normal paths. Shadows nose didn´t work very well. It had almost been bitten off cleanly by a badger and his internal compass was, at best, crooked. Reilly was at a loss. Where could his friend be?

Reilly figured his friend was not in the woods. Although he was truly concerned, he reckoned “Shadow does vanish often, but always manages to find his way home.” Besides, it was the time of year the bitches were in heat. Reilly couldn´t just let that pass by. He decided to call off the search and take a cruise through town.

After wandering around his favorite back alleys, abandoned lots and unfrequented parks and becoming increasingly frustrated that they were all crawling with more brutes than bitches, he decided to give this search up as well and go home. Along the way he heard the familiars yelps of new born pups. They were coming from under a half rotted porch of a house that years ago hosted a family of much more means than today. He decided to scratch his curiosity and give his blessing to the new parents.

When he popped his nose inside he was flabbergasted by the smell. “You dog you!” he cried as his tail went wild.

“I was gonna tell you but it all went down so quick” Shadow said with a bent smile.  The badger hadn´t only gotten his nose that fateful day. He paused as if he said something important to say and wanted the words to come out just right, “I want you to be the god-doggy” he blurted, his eyes visibly glassy from tears being fought back.

Reilly was taken aback. “I´m just glad you´re alive” he paused “and sure I will! It´ll be the biggest honor of this dog´s decade and change on this here planet” he said, not able to keep the tears lodged in his eyes anymore.

That was the last time anybody ever had to search for Shadow. They always knew where to find him, dutifully taking care of his pups and recounting his adventures in the woods.

Home Is For The Birds

Pilot and Skye had a beautiful home, high up in the trunk of a dead tree. A wood pecker hollowed out an already rotting part in search of a meal. He found what he was looking for and abandoned the site when the food ran out. It was  a perfect home for a young couple of swallows.

One day Pilot went out to look for some food. He gave Skye a kiss on the beak and went his way. He flew almost a full mile until he found a promising location. He looked around for a perch to assess the area. He saw a branch with a wide angle view of the ground below.

Already on the branch was a beautiful female swallow.  Pilot thought he should maybe find another branch but she waved him over with a wink.

“Hello” she said.

“Hello” Pilot said.

“Name´s Libi” she said.

“I´m Pilot” he said, blushing.

“That´s a strong name. Are you a strong bird?” Libi asked.

“Well, not really, I guess I can be” he answered. Libi stayed quite. She knew that silence can drive a male mad.

Pilot´s mind raced, searching for something to say, to break the deafening silence. All he could come up was, “Do you live close?”

“Close to what?” Libi giggled. Pilot blushed again. Libi leaned over and kissed him on the beak. An explosion of emotions rushed over Pilot. The thought that rose to the top was “What am I doing?”

Swallows are hard wired for monogamy. They take a mate for life. This went against thousands of years of evolution.

Pilot pulled away. “I cannot do this! I already have a female”

Libi said with a devilish look, “You do and you don´t now”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the moment you return home, your “ex” will smell my pheromones on you, so you don´t. But, you have me now” she said.

Pilot wanted to protest but he couldn´t. She was right. Dejected, Pilot asked “Where do you live?”

“I don´t have a home, dear” she answered. “You have to make one for us”

“Oh great…” Pilot thought.

Over the course of a week Pilot made a home just as good as the one he left.  Two days after, Libi kicked him out.

“I thought we were going to be together forever” Pilot said.

“That´s so old fashioned. That instinct must have passed over me” Libi said.

“What am I going to do?” Pilot cried.

“I don´t know. Do the same as the others. Go crawling back to your old home” Libi said.

“Others?” Pilot asked.

“Yeah, the others that I tricked into building me a house. I´m just going to flip it for some quick cash” Libi said.

Pilot wanted revenge but realized this would just get more of her pheromones on him. In fact, he was so busy working, he hadn´t had contact with Libi for days. He flew off to see if he could get his life back.