Tag Archives: abuse

The Typewriter

15 Feb

images

 

 

Clack, clack, clack went the sound of his typewriter. Frank was furiously pounding away on the vintage keys that set him back a small fortune in a little boutique shop in a gentrified, once artistic part of the city. A small mountain of cigarette butts spilled out of one of the empty cardboard coffee cups that surrounded his work space. He was writing for hours but nothing of quality found its way to the endless reams of paper.

“It´s all shit!” he screamed, though the only sentient being to hear these words were his cat and his neighbor. The walls were paper thin in his tiny one bedroom apartment in a converted candy factory in another gentrified, once artistic part of the city.

Frank had some success of late selling a few stories here and there but the well seemed to have dried up. Everything he came up with was derivative of something he had already read or had already written. He had recently gone off his mood stabilizers in hope that it would spark some hidden creativity.

With a deft sweep of his arm, the typewriter went flying across the room. It would have taken out the cat if it didn´t have such keen reflexes. He sat there staring at the typewriter, upside down on the floor for some time.

Clack, clack, clack. The keys of the typewriter started moving by themselves. Frank sat up straight. The clicking stopped. He slowly walked over to the downed typewriter and turned it over. He saw a sentence on the page after where he had stopped.

Just keep going.

Those three extra words on the page he hadn´t written. Frank was perplexed. Surely this wasn´t for real. He decided his mind was playing tricks on him and he decided to go to bed for the night.

When Frank awoke he walked over to the typewriter on the floor. He looked at the page and there were more words.

You suffer for your work. Now others must suffer for your work. Make them pay and you will reap the profits.

“What does that mean?” he asked himself out loud. He felt stupid for saying these words because he knew exactly what it meant. He needed new life experiences to draw from as inspiration. He knew that hurting people would evoke deep emotions that he could use to write.

Frank always had a violent streak that he used to punish only himself. He had never even thought of hurting anyone else but he figured that this must be a sign from above. Frank decided he would go to the park late at night and do some harm to homeless people. This way, he could do what the typewriter told him to with minimal risks with the law. Frank was also a coward and a weakling. A sleeping homeless person would offer the least resistance.

That night, Frank filled the pockets of his parka with a small bottle of rubbing alcohol, some rags and a box of strike anywhere matches. He also slipped two mini bottles of vodka he had obtained from his last flight into the breast pocket for a little added courage. He then set off for the park.

He found his first victim. It was a woman sleeping under a makeshift tent made of a cardboard box. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out one of the mini bottles. He was not a drinker and could barely get the vile liquid down his throat. A little even made its way back up and he had to swallow it a second time. He took a deep breath just to keep it down.

From behind him he heard a voice say “Having a party and didn´t even invite me?” Then he felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck, saw a bright light then nothing. The metal pipe that had just smashed his brain stem cut off communication from his brain to his body. The homeless man slipped of Frank´s parka, then the rest of his clothes. He was left unconscious and stripped to his underwear in the harsh cold in the middle of the park.

When Frank came to he was in a white room with bright lights. His hands were restrained with fur lined leather cuffs. He looked to his right and he saw his case worker, John, sitting on the chair besides him.

“How do you feel Frank?” John asked.

“Terrible. What happened?” he asked.

“That´s what I would like to know. The only facts I have are, you were found in Jefferson Park in your underwear, barely breathing. You had alcohol on your breath. A nice homeless woman saw you around midnight and got the attention of a nearby police officer” he said. “Have you been taking your meds?”

“Well, uh, no” he sheepishly answered. “But…”

“But nothing Frank. How many times do we have to go through this. You must take your medications”

“Am I in trouble, John?” Frank asked.

“No, of course not”” John said with genuine concern in his voice.

Off the hook again. Frank thought. Mental disease has its advantages. This will make a great story.

 

Twice Defrocked

9 Feb

jesus

 

Jen and Robert decided that they were going to adopt. After years of research and straddling the fence on the issue, they decided to make this life altering decision, though they had no idea how life altering the process would be. One of their biggest hang ups was about religion. Jen was a devout Catholic, as devout as an American could possibly be. Rob on the other hand had an almost irrational hatred for the Catholic Church and all Christian doctrine for that matter. This caused many arguments about how they would raise the child but they came to the conclusion that they would let the child decide for itself when the time came.

Jen´s life was an open book to all who knew her whereas Rob´s life had much mystery beyond the 6 years that they were together. He told Jen that he was a victim of severe abuse and escaped his home at age 16 so he didn´t like to talk about that. Then, with fake documents, he entered the military and served in Iraq which was so traumatic that he didn´t like talking about the either. When Jen met him, he was working as a toll booth operator on the NJ turnpike. He used the veil of abuse to hide his past from her.

They decided on an agency and went downtown to get the paperwork rolling. Rob was very nervous on the car ride. He was visibly nervous.

“What´s wrong, hun?” Jen asked.

“Nothing. It´s just this is the biggest decision of our lives and I am a little nervous” he answered.

“Don´t worry, it´ll be all right. We are ready for this” she said. “We are not going into this all willy nilly. We are totally prepared for anything that is thrown at us.”

“Are we really?” he said before going silent.

At the agency, the couple was handed a thick folder full of informative brochures and forms to fill out. They were briefed by an agent for over an hour. It was surprisingly pleasant.

On the way home Jen said to Rob “I have a good feeling about this”. Rob just nodded.

They sent the paperwork away and waited. The agent told them that it could take up to one month to hear anything. During this month Rob was agitated and very short with Jen. He wasn´t eating and could not get through a whole night without waking up many times.

The day came. A letter from the adoption agency arrived in their mailbox. Rob was leaving work early trying to beat Jenna home so he could intercept the mail. On this day, someone called off so Rob had to stay an extra hour to cover the shift until a replacement came.

When Rob got home Jen was on the couch crying.

“What´s wrong?” he asked.

She slowly looked up. “Who are you?” she said between sobs.

“What?” he said, his mind now spinning trying to think of the motive for such a question. He knew the question would come one day but he needed to know what she knew so he could spin it in the direction he wanted.

“The agency said that the Social Security number you gave does not exist” she said.

“Maybe I wrote it down wrong. Let´s just resubmit the paperwork” he said, his voice shaking.

“I double checked all the information. It was all correct. Why is it saying that you don´t exist?” she said, her anger rising.

Rob knew this was the end of the line. He had to come clean. He knew this adoption would be the undoing of everything. He stalled Jen as long as he could over the past few years. He knew there would be background checks. He knew his new life would come to an end. He couldn´t stall her anymore. She was adamant about this adoption.

He thought about his options. Tell her another lie to get through these next few moments, pack a bag, flee and start again? Take his own life as to not cause any more suffering than he had already caused? Tell her the truth and see how she reacts? The weight on his shoulders was great. He had been living a lie for so long. He made his choice. Truth.

“Jen, 10 years ago I was a priest. I was a damn good one. I helped so many people. But I could not fix myself. I had appetites. Horrible appetites. No praying in the world would make them go away. I had others pray for me. It didn´t help. I started acting on these appetites. Then people started whispering, the whispers turned to chatter until the chatter turned to screams. I had to move. The church moved across the country. The appetites followed. I couldn´t help myself. My God wasn´t strong enough to stop me! They moved me again but the people already knew why I was there when I arrived. I couldn´t stay. I paid some gangster 10,000 dollars to create this new life for me in New Jersey. Since we´ve been together, I have not acted out once! Please believe me. I love you.”

Jen saw through the fog of shock enough to mutter two words, “Get out.”

 

An Unfortunate Chain of Events Pt. IV

18 Nov

Francine could not believe what she was hearing. With that question, her world collapsed in on itself. Jim was staring at her with a glazed icy stare. This was not the man she fell in love with in high school behind those eyes. Finally she mustered the energy to ask the question, “Jim, who are you?”

This sent Jim into a rage. “Who am I? Who am I, you ask? I’m the guy who gave up his life to come back to the shit hole because you wanted to! I am the guy who has no friends, no career and no future, because of you! Who am I?…”

“Jim”, she said, “We made the decision together to come back here! You wanted this just as much as me. You told me you wanted kids. We agreed that it would be better to be near family.”

“You made the decision!” Jim was now on his feet, somewhat swaying rhythmically as if small breezes were holding him up from all angles. “I had nothing to do with that decision”. Jim was speaking on mental autopilot because all he could think about was the fact that his child support payments would be based on his new salary and that this would lead to a fairly miserly existent in a city as expensive as New York. He had to make this problem go away.

“Don’t think for a second that I would do anything to harm our baby! There is a life growing inside of me now. You have to decide what you are going to do with your life. But I am going to stay here and raise our baby!” she put a lot of emphasis on the word our.

Jim started for the door and Francine let out a shriek, “Where are you going?”

“Out. I need to think” was all he said. He fumbled with his keys in the driveway and opened the door to the car. Francine followed him.

“Get out of the car and talk to me! Besides, I can smell alcohol on you, you’ll get  arrested for sure!” her hand was in the frame of the door when Jim slammed it shut. Francine screamed, “Open the door! My hand is stuck” Jim did even notice. He put the car in neutral and slowly started coasting down the driveway, unbeknownst to him that Francine was being dragged. She was screaming frantically.

Finally he noticed and jerked the emergency brake and opened the door. Three of Francine’s fingers were bleeding. “Look what you did, you dumb bitch!” Jim said.

Francine was screaming in pain and crying hysterically. A few neighbors had poked their heads out to see what the commotion was.

Jim, with his head on a swivel surveyed them and yelled “Fuck you all. Go back to your stupid lives you assholes. There is nothing to see here.”

Francine started to feel feint from all of the pain and slowly sat down on the grass. At that moment, Jim slammed the door and was off.

An Unfortunate Chain of Events Pt. III

25 Oct

Francine raced home to tell Jim the good news. Jim was already celebrating his good news by opening an expensive bottle that was given to him as a going away present when he left the firm in New York. His usual afternoon buzz was about to be taken up a notch.

Jim kept going over in his head the details of his new life in New York and how great it was going to be again. The Thursday nights going out to the clubs and hitting on NYU students much younger than himself were racing through his head. And this time he would be single. No one to check in to and make up stories to about his whereabouts. He was already convinced that he was going without Francine.

Francine was thinking of baby names if it were a girl because if it were a boy, she´ll let Jim name him. That´s how her family has named babies for two generations. She was already imaging how the baby’s room would look. Of course, they would have to remodel the room that Jim calls an office but uses as his internet porn viewing room.

Francine pulled into the driveway and Jim started to prepare himself about what he was going to say. How would he break this to her? Francine opened the door and with a huge smile threw her arms around Jim. “Honey, I have great news,” she said.

“I have news, too,” he said.

“Of course you can go first honey, but I am sure mine is bigger!” she said with such a smile that Jim was now very curious as to learn what she had to say.

“Go ahead, Fran, you go first” he said.

“We’re pregnant, love!” tears rolled down her face as these words came from her mouth.

“What do you mean WE?!” he said with a twisted look on his face.

A puzzled look came upon Francine’s face. Jim took notice and realized how awful he just sounded but his thoughts were spinning so far out of control he could not rectify the situation.

Francine stammered a little, “I am pregnant. Dr. Spengler just told me over the phone”.

Jim couldn´t help himself. The booze had lubed his tongue and the words just slipped out “Weren´t you taking the pill for Christ sake? And, hell, are you sure it´s even mine?” he was getting louder “It´s been months since we last fucked.”

Francine was shocked. She didn´t know what to say or think. She was certain he would be just as happy as she would. Her tears of joy turned to tears of sadness. Now it was her thoughts that were spinning.

Jim realized how harsh he had been and apologized. He told her that he had been stressed out about a few things. Then Francine asked, “What about your news? Didn´t you have something to tell me?”

Jim wasn’t even listening. All he was doing was calculating child support payments based on his new salary and if he would have enough at the end of the week to go out.

With almost no life in his eyes, he looked at Francine and asked, “Have you thought about an abortion?”

An Unfortunate Chain of Events Pt. II

23 Oct

Jim answered the phone with his usual afternoon buzz making his thoughts a little fuzzy.

“Hello”, Jim said.

“Jim, you son of a bitch!” said the voice.

“Who is this?” Jim asked, a little annoyed.

“It´s Frank. From the firm. Don’t tell me you forgot about us already! It´s only been a few months.”

“Hell no Frank! I just wasn´t expecting you. I thought it was my damn in-laws. They call all day long”, Jim said with half a smirk. It was all he could muster because his mouth muscles atrophied from months of a lack of smiling.

“Sounds like you are loving domesticated small town life”, Frank said.

“You fucking kidding me? I hate this shit”, Jim always swore more when he was drinking. He swore a lot.

“Then I have great news for you. Stan wants you back. He didn´t really specify why he wants you so bad but he does. I think it´s because it has been so hard to find decent consistent people with half a brain. Plus, Stan always liked you.” Frank said.

“That sounds great,” Jim said, with a million things flashing through his head. “What´s the offer?”, he asked.

“What you were earning plus twenty percent, some more benefits and a larger profit share”, Frank said. “Plus, all of your moving expenses paid to come back and a company rent controlled apartment with a lease for three years”.

“Oh my god! I´m in!” Jim said with wide eyes.

“You think you can convince Francine?” Frank asked.

“I don´t care if can or not. I´m going with or without her”, Jim said.

“Looks like little Jimmy has finally grown a pair! Good to hear. Look, my secretary will call you to make flight arrangements. You´ll need to come to New York ASAP to sign a few things before we get the ball rolling”, Frank said, then he added, “Hey, take it easy on Francine, will ya? She´s a good girl. Let her down easy. If you can´t convince her to go, I mean. You know, she was close to my wife and she´s convinced Francine won´t go for it. Her dream is the picket fence in small town USA with the kids and all. She hated NY.”

“Don´t worry about that. We´ve been growing apart since coming here anyway. Might even be a relief for her”, Jim said.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *

Francine was driving home from the supermarket when her cell phone rang. “Hello”, she said.

“Francine?” the voice asked.

“Yes, this is she”, she said.

“Francine, this is Charlotte from Dr. Spengle’s office. The results of your blood work are in. He would like you to come in to discuss a few things”, the secretary said.

“Is everything ok?” Francine asked with worry in her voice.

“Yes, but I am not at liberty to divulge information over the phone but the doctor does need to speak to you in person” the secretary said.

“If you can´t tell me, can Dr. Spengle?” Francine asked.

“Actually, he is free. I´ll transfer you over”, the secretary said.

“Thanks”, Francine said.

“Francine?”, Dr. Spengle said.

“Yes?” Francine said with her heart racing.

“Francine, you’re pregnant”, the doctor said.

After a long pause Dr. Spengle heard from a distance as if the telephone had fallen to the floor “Oh my God! Thank you lord! I am so happy!”

Love in a Hopeless Place

26 Aug

Betty’s life had been so bad up to this point that her death sentence was almost a reprieve from life. Abuse was the only human contact she had known. Rape was the only intimacy that she had experienced. Once a victim gets marked early, other victimizers sense this with some sort of sick radar and pounce. Healthy people tend to shy away from such people. This isolates a victim and sets them up to be a victim for life.

Her marriage to Jimbo was what she thought was a chance to escape a life of abuse. He was so good to her, in the beginning. She didn´t mind the sneers that they received as this tall handsome white boy was hand in hand with a poor, yet beautiful, black girl. The comments from the women were far worse than those from the men. Women already do not deal with competition so well. Now they have to deal with another race of women, women with more curvaceous bodies than themselves.

Things worsened when they moved from Plano, Texas to Lewisville, Texas. Plano was a liberal metropolitan city in comparison to Lewisville. In Plano, they only had to deal with sneers and comments. In Lewisville, they had to deal with vandalism to their home. Jimbo almost immediately lost the factory job that brought them there. Neither wanted to go back to Plano. Jimbo’s family rejected him for his relationship with Betty and Betty didn’t really have a family to go back to. Jimbo started drinking. Jimbo changed. Betty was stuck.

Jimbo and Betty didn´t have much of a sex life before they were married. Betty had no idea how to be intimate with a man. The only men she knew sexually were her own father and his brothers whom he let have a turn with her when they got together to play cards and drink. Actually, playing cards was a ruse to drink. Drinking was the principle activity. After Betty’s mother left them, in Betty’s infancy, that is just about all he did. Jimbo was raised a fire and brimstone evangelical Christian and was so afraid of hell and the devil that he would burn his penis with a sewing needle that he held over a lit match when he felt the urge to masturbate. Even though he was now married to Betty, he was still afraid of his carnal urges. The drink erased those fears but not the shame.

When Jimbo drank, he felt the need for female companionship but had no idea about how to go about getting it in a polite way. These shameful feelings disgusted him. Betty was no better. Before Jimbo, she had never even been hugged lovingly. She didn´t know the first thing about how to coerce some loving touch from her husband. What ended up happening was that Jimbo would work himself up into a rage and start to hit Betty. Betty knew this role well and went along with it. Jimbo would beat Betty until he felt his erection pulsating through his entire body. All he could feel was a burning shortness in breath and the throbbing of his member. Then, when Betty was as limp as a cadaver entering into emotional shock, Jimbo would enter her and in a few short strokes would finish.

*Note from the author: He shall continue the story if anybody wishes. Just leave a comment that you wish to read on.