The Devastating Effects of Wi-Fi on Bee Populations

6 Dec

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Due to Wi-Fi being a relatively new technology, long term effects on biological systems are rather unknown. Recently, data has come to light on a few medium and short term effects. With the rise of Wi-Fi use and the sharp decline of bee populations, many unproven hypotheses have been made correlating the two phenomena. A study out of New Haven, Connecticut has finally brought some hard evidence to the forefront.

Scientists studied over 75 different hive colonies. At first, the general hypothesis was that Wi-Fi impacted the electro-magnetic systems that the bees use to communicate, their health in general or their reproduction. The latter proved to be true, but the mechanism as to how was shocking.

The queen bee emits a pheromone that make her sexually enticing  to specific drone bees whose job is to copulate with the queen to perpetuate the hive. Once the pheromone is perceived by the drone, he is not satisfied until he has copulated with the queen bee. When a strong Wi-Fi signal is introduced to this dynamic, the message gets scrambled and the drone is not satisfied until he copulates with another male drone. This leads to the devastation of the colony´s population. Reproduction, in essence, ceases.

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Furthermore, upon losing her sexual grip over her drones, the queen loses social control as well.  With the introduction of Wi-Fi, colonies were observed to move towards chaos as the intricate social order breaks down. Complete breakdowns leading to hive destruction have been observed to occur in as little as eight months after a Wi-Fi signal has been introduced.

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One other peculiar observation was the propensity of the drones to intoxicate themselves more often upon contact with Wi-Fi signals. The bee´s preferred mechanism for intoxication is the consumption of certain marigold pollens mixed with the fermented sap of certain coniferous trees. The increase in consumption of intoxicants was observed to increase a minimum of 20 fold and a maximum of 50 fold when Wi-Fi signals were introduced.

In conclusion, Wi-Fi is an essential tool for human society. It does, though, come with some high costs. For the time being, nature is absorbing the most of these costs. When enough of the bee population is eradicated, humans will pick up the costs. Bees are an equally essential tool for human society.

4 Responses to “The Devastating Effects of Wi-Fi on Bee Populations”

  1. Bruce Goodman December 6, 2018 at 5:52 pm #

    I have been giggling compulsively! The effect of Wi-Fi on drones might help explain the lack of activity in certain departments of my life! I shall switch the Wi-Fi off by way of experiment. (I don’t know how you think up these things – they’re excellent!)

    • Ryan December 6, 2018 at 6:16 pm #

      Think these things up? It’s science, bro! 😉 Thanks!!!!!

  2. bgddyjim December 6, 2018 at 9:43 pm #

    There’s so much irony in that study, women’s studies professors the world over will take to the streets! Chuckle.

    • Ryan December 7, 2018 at 12:28 pm #

      Thanks for reading it! Just a heads up, I completely made it up!!!! But yeah, in today’s climate, there is a portion of society that would get their panties in a bunch over scientific fact!

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