Thanksgiving Hangover

27 Nov


As Ben slowly came to consciousness he could only remember two things about yesterday. It was Thanksgiving and he drank too much. In reality the turkey grease in his beard reminded him of the former and the feeling of dirty death in his body reminded him of the latter.

Throwing up was inevitable, but he was putting it off. He hated throwing up. He couldn´t shake a certain feeling of guilt despite not recalling anything from the previous day. He went to check his phone for clues. The battery was dead. “Lucky phone” he thought. “I wish my battery would just run out one day”

Self-loathing was overtaking Ben. This happened frequently during Ben´s hangovers and hangovers such as this one were happening more frequently as of late. His embarrassment was augmented knowing his whole family bared witness to whatever transpired yesterday. Most had traveled from out of state to see what a sad sack Ben has become.

After a few hours of fighting it, Ben gave into the urge to purge. This made him feel slightly better. He realized he´d better face the family and get it over with. Every hour that passed, the feeling of shame and embarrassment grew. He slipped into some jeans and brushed the taste of vomit out of his mouth.

He embarked on what felt like an interminable trek down the stairs. “Oh, great” he thought. “They´re all there”

He peeked around the final banister and timidly said “Hi.”

“There he is!” a beaming aunt cried, “Our hero!”

“Hey sport! You rest up well after that adventure? You deserve it” an uncle chimed in.

Ben´s head was spinning. What are they talking about? Another aunt kissed him on the cheek as she handed him a cup of coffee. “Special cup for the hero of Thanksgiving!” she said, “Ummmm, someone still smells a little of yesterday´s indulgences” she chided, “Heck, you deserved it!”

Another aunt approached, “Ben, your clothes from yesterday are in the dryer, I even put an extra dryer sheet in there for you”

“Why?” Ben asked, perplexed.

“Don´t be silly” she responded.

“No, really, what happened?” Ben insisted as he put his hand to his forehead.

An uncle started in from the other side of the room “Oh, Ben, you really don´t remember, do you?”

“Not really, sorry” he answered.

“That´s okay! Hell, I was young once, I think I forgot a few nights myself” he laughed “Your little cousin Andy was a playin’ and a slidin’on the ice on the pool; ice cracked and he fell right in. Don´t know why you were there…

Ben knew, he was smoking a bowl at the side of the house.

“…but thank God you were. You jumped right in, not thinking for a second about yourself and snatched little Andy right out of the water, from under the ice, with the quickness. You 100% saved his life”

“Three cheers for Ben!” an uncle cried.

“Hip, hip, hooray!!!” they repeated.

Ben stood there bewildered, but feeling a little better.



9 Responses to “Thanksgiving Hangover”

  1. Bruce Goodman November 27, 2018 at 6:37 pm #

    Good yarn, Ryan. But heck, he would’ve got his things wet!

    • Ryan November 27, 2018 at 7:02 pm #

      You just made me realize, I left out some of the dialogue when I typed this out! I’ll have to go back and edit. Thanks for picking up on that!

      • Bruce Goodman November 27, 2018 at 7:04 pm #

        I didn’t notice anything missing – I just thought “brass monkey” ! – do you have that expression in your part of the world?

      • Ryan November 27, 2018 at 7:05 pm #

        No! Do tell!

      • Bruce Goodman November 27, 2018 at 7:35 pm #

        LOL! I quick google would be more polite than my explanation! However, this is getting away from your excellent Thanksgiving story. You always manage to get a different slant on things.

      • Ryan November 27, 2018 at 7:36 pm #

        I put the piece of dialogue that was missing

      • Bruce Goodman November 27, 2018 at 7:38 pm #

        Aha – clothes in the dryer! A vital hint of what happened.

      • Ryan November 27, 2018 at 7:43 pm #

        I´ve been writing on paper and typing afterwards, as of late. It forces me to rethink my word choice. I really like it, but it opens the opportunity for this to happen.

      • Bruce Goodman November 27, 2018 at 8:41 pm #

        I do the same – usually. I can think better with a pen in my hand – and it’s a lot quicker to cross things out.

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