My Right Wing Canary

24 Nov

When I was young I had a canary who I wanted to train to sing. I purchased an audio cassette with mature birds singing because I read that would really bring the song out of him. When I would leave for school, I would put the tape on for him and off I would go to get my programming much like the bird.

Little did I know, there was a problem with my boom box. The function switch seemed to go from Tape to Radio by itself. Instead of hours of mature birds singing their mating song, my bird was subjected to hours of Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talk radio.

I did not realize this was happening and it went on for six months. That’s how many months the book told me to do this process. I stopped the planned training and waited for my ears to be tickled by the whimsical chirpings of my canary.

Weeks went by. Nothing. I was not too sad because my new feathered friend was a least fun to observe. And I was getting life lessons from caring for another living being. Then one day, something peculiar happened.

All of a sudden, my bird would make mildly racist comments. Out of thin air! He would also say disparaging things about the poor, as well. Not a single song sang, but there was a lot of talk about how great the Reagan administration was. That to me was the biggest affront to my young sensibilities. I detest poor revisionist history more than anything. It got really annoying.

What I ended up doing was giving him to the lonely old man on the corner of the block. He had one of those confederate flag stickers on his pickup truck so I figured him and the bird would get along famously. As for me, I got a dog and called it a day.

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5 Responses to “My Right Wing Canary”

  1. jamborobyn November 25, 2013 at 6:23 am #

    ha ha! When I was young we had a pet cockatoo that had a penchant for Irish folk songs. At the most inappropriate times it would sing “Whacko the Daddy-O there’s whiskey in the jar!”. True story.

    • Ryan November 25, 2013 at 11:13 am #

      That’s too funny. My little story here is purely fiction but based in the fact that I AM currently training a canary to sing with you-tube clips. Thanks for reading!!!

      • jamborobyn November 26, 2013 at 5:57 am #

        Good luck with the canary and thanks for sparking the memory, I had completely forgotten about that bird.

  2. subhmohanty November 25, 2013 at 10:04 am #

    Loved it. Especially the subtle message that came across. brilliantly written, as always !

    • Ryan November 25, 2013 at 11:14 am #

      Thanks for reading it and I am glad you enjoyed. It made me chuckle while writing it.

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